The Truth Sometimes Hurts
by Nix1978
Summary: Set just over four years after Season 7. Emily didn't go to London, so why hasn't Morgan seen her for nearly four years? Rating now M
1. Chapter 1

**Ok… Firstly, I know I'm a bad writer for posting another story when I haven't finished the other (Our Fight…), but I promise I will post another chapter of that soon. I just had this idea and had to get it down. This is set post season 7. Rated M for later themes/chapters….**

He could have caught a plane, but he figured the drive would help him clear his head of everything and focus his mind….. But who was he kidding? His mind hadn't been focused on anything else since he found out where she was.

He stopped short of his destination by just a few miles in the town of Wilmington, North Carolina….. A town for the wealthy, high class folk. He sat in the small, but quaint café sipping on a hot cup of coffee he had craved from the moment he set off from DC that morning, letting his mind drift off watching the people go by about their business. He wondered if she had ever sat here and looked out onto this beautiful view….. Clear blue skies, a light breeze skimming across the fresh warm sea and folks walking bare foot across the white sandy beach. He wondered if she had ever felt this peaceful and content sat here, just as he did for the few seconds that he managed to wipe the past four years from his mind and concentrate on what was in front of him.

But the feeling didn't last; He dug his wallet out of his back pocket when the waitress put the check on the table and flipped it open. As he went to grab a ten dollar note, he spied the dog end corner of a photograph peeking out from one of the sleeves. He grasped it gently with his thumb and forefinger and pulled it out, revealing her face….. Emily Prentiss; her eyes smiling and her mouth wide open wearing one of those ridiculous foam fingers on one of her hands and his old Chicago Bears cap on her head, with Soldier Field stadium in the background, full of happy spectators. He chuckled warmly to himself as he remembered that day vividly;

_She had mockingly complained all morning about him dragging her to see a football game on one of their rare weekends away, yet when she got there, her excitement took over and she was jumping up and down at every touch down. When he teased her she frowned, and proceeded to inform him that she was just enjoying watching a load of buff guys running around in tight trousers. The football was incidental. He told her he had some of those of his own and she told him to find them, but as he looked for them that night, she entered his old bedroom, wearing nothing but his college football jersey. That had been his favourite part of the weekend…. He'd laughed as she pushed him back onto the bed and she'd held her hand over his mouth telling him to be quiet or his mom would hear and she could never look her in the eye across the table at breakfast the next day…. It actually turned out that she couldn't look her in the eye all day…._

He smiled contemplatively as he looked at the picture… They'd been together for six months at that point and he remembered that feeling…. That feeling of it being the happiest he'd been in a long time. May be ever. And _she_ was happy too…. Or so he thought.

It was six months prior to that that she had told him she was thinking of going to London on the night of the wedding. It taken him less than three hours to _tell_ her not to go and get into an argument with her. It took twelve hours for him to turn up on her doorstep the following morning, hung over and bleary eyed, to apologise for what he had said, but then retract that and tell her that he wasn't really sorry, he just wanted her to stay….. He'd fix those cracks and she could buy that house and he promised he'd make it worth it. He promised he would make her happy.

Hotch told her to stay too… He'd recommend a transfer to Counter Terrorism…. '_A change is as good as a holiday,_' He'd said, '_Just give it a go.'_

Rossi told her that running away wasn't going to fix anything, but that he would support her no matter what. Reid told her she couldn't leave them; They were her family. Garcia cried and begged her not to go again. JJ said nothing, just looked at her with those big blue eyes, full of tears, pleading silently to stay…

And that's what happened.

She stayed. She transferred to Counter Terrorism. Derek got his girl. She got the house. He fixed those cracks…. Filled them with love, passion, contentment and fun.

_Love, passion, contentment and fun….._

"_So…." Morgan mumbled, wrapping his arms around her naked waist as she lay with her back against his chest and her head nestled in the crook of his neck, "…tell me about this new team of yours."_

_She shrugged, picking up a fist full of frothy bubbles in her hand and placing them on the end of his nose, "Nothing to tell really."_

"_Oi…" He chuckled, splashing the hot bath water with his big hand, a spray of water splattering across her face. "….Tell me or you're getting dunked."_

"_Just try it mister." She warned playfully._

"_What if I do this…?" He said, leaning down and kissing her neck slowly, "….Now will you tell me?" He mumbled into her skin._

"_Mmmmm…. That is going someway to convincing me." She sighed._

"_What about this?" And his hands began to wander up the sides of her waist, over her chest and rested upon her shoulders, his strong fingers massaging the supple flesh._

"_Ok. Ok. You win…." She conceded._

"_Go on then."_

"_Well, you know Brannigan. Ex Police Chief. He's good. Really knows his stuff, but he's a man of few words. I like him…." She mused, "….. Maddison is deceptive. Everyone looks at her like she's some sweet, meek blond, but gees you should have seen the other day taking out a suspect. I actually laughed at the guy's face as she had his arm twisted up his back. I like her too."_

"_Tough cookie eh?"_

"_She could give you a run for your money." She teased._

"_Hey…!" He protested, playfully pinching the piece of skin at the base of her neck._

_She laughed, then continued;_

"_You know Jordan and then there's Kyle… David Kyle…" She sighed, "…. Came with the same reputation you did."_

"_What's that?" He asked with a frown._

"_Ladies man. Cocky, arrogant, tough guy…. You know." She shrugged._

"_Ok. Right! You're in for it…." He said, grabbing the sides of her arms and playfully beginning to push her down._

"_Wait! You didn't let me finish!" She called out, grasping the sides of the bathtub._

"_Ok, you've got five seconds."_

"_He came with the same reputation as you…. But unlike you, that reputation actually turns out to be true."_

_He paused, taking time to process what she had said, and by the time he did, she turned around and slinked her body up his, until her smile mirrored his._

"_What so I'm not a tough guy?" He muttered, one brow raised._

_She leant in and kissed him sweetly, "Well ok…." She mumbled into his mouth, "You are a tough guy, but the difference is, you are my tough guy."_

"_Always." He whispered, wrapping his arms around her waist once again and pressing her into him._

Always…..

He drove along the coastline as his memories swirled round and round his mind. So what happened? How the hell did they get to this? For four years he was unable to answer those questions. He wondered if taking this left turn along this small lane would change that.

The magnificent houses became further and further apart, getting larger, the farther the distance between them. The lane was getting narrower and dustier the more remote he got and just as he began to think he may have taken the wrong turn, he found the place he wanted…. '_SeaScape_' read the wooden sign outside.

He sat in his SUV and stared at the beautiful white beach house. Wind chimes and an array of multi coloured windmills all dancing to the sway of the sea breeze. It looked so peaceful and it made him question if he was doing the right thing…. Was he just about to upset this apparent happy balance?

But he had come this far. It had taken him weeks, months, years and endless conversations with Garcia to finally make the decision to come; Taking a deep breath, he slowly climbed out of the vehicle and trudged along the white gravel path towards the front door. As he did so, he frowned noticing the windows. There were bars…. Thick steel bars painted white on every window; This was a high end town. There had barely been a crime in five years…. One of Garcia's many revelations about the place she had located Emily in. Why on earth would she need bars?

He stood and looked at the door for a few seconds, holding his arm up to the buzzer three times before finally pressing it. He heard the chimes echo throughout the house and his eyes darted around his surroundings as he nervously waited. Just as he noticed a tiny camera looking down on him, peeking from behind a hanging basket, the door began to creek open.

His heart was thumping as she appeared, but his view was partly obstructed by the painted iron bars.

He moved his head to try and get a better view and then just stared at her, entirely lost for words. He was shocked by the sight…. It was her face… her hair, but she somehow looked different. He tried to process it in his mind, but his thoughts were interrupted by her familiar voice.

"What are you doing here?" Her words were monotone… quiet.

"Emily…?"

"I told you not to come for me." She said slowly.

He frowned in disbelief, "Is that really all you've got to say to me?"

"I…"

She stuttered and her eyes widened as she looked at him. Her coldness hit him in the face full force.

"Emily..?" He repeated.

"I'm sorry. But I asked you not to look for me….." She swallowed hard, "…I asked you." She said, almost pleadingly.

"You didn't ask me Emily. You _told_ me." His voice raised a little, the fact he was struggling to see her through the steel bars adding to his frustration.

"What do you want Derek?"

"What do I want…?" He spat, "….I want you to open this god damn thing so I can talk to you properly." He said, gripping the cold metal and attempting to shake it, but it held firm.

"Where do you get off coming here out of the blue and deman…"

She stopped dead in her tracks, both of them immediately distracted by the voice resonating from behind the brunette in the hallway.

"Mommy…! Mommy…! Look what I did."

Morgan stared at the little girl who suddenly ran into view to stand by his former girlfriend, holding up a sheet of paper.

Emily's face immediately changed. She smiled sweetly at the little girl and took the drawing from her.

"Wow. That's really good sweetie. Why don't you go and put it on the fridge?"

He guessed she was three to four years old. Her hair was long, wavy and dark. Her skin a beautiful pale ivory colour just like Emily's, but as she turned to look at him noticing the stranger, he saw her eyes. They _weren't_ like her mother's, but he did recognise them… piercing big blue eyes staring back at him.

"Are you selling something?" She asked, leaning her head to one side as she eyed him up.

He shook his head slowly with a half smile, "No…" He uttered, the word failing to completely leave his lips.

Emily glanced an apologetic smile at Derek as she stood behind her daughter, lightly placing her hands on her shoulders, "No. This is Derek…. A friend."

"From the photo?" She asked, straining to look upward to Emily.

"Yes, from the photo…." She began, kneeling in front of the little girl, "… Now why don't you go a play for a bit? Let mommy talk to Derek."

"Ok mommy."

But instead of turning to walk away, the little girl took two steps forward and put her hand through the bars, offering it to Derek. He crouched down and took her tiny hand in his.

"Nice to meet cha'." She said, emphasising the 'cha' with an exaggerated nod of the head and a firm shake of his hand.

An amazed laugh fell from his mouth, "Nice to meet you too sweetheart." He uttered in that deep, soothing tone that caused Emily to close her eyes momentarily as it took her back.

But there was no time for that. Bringing herself back to the present time, she patted the child gently on the head, "C'mon baby… Go play." Emily whispered.

"Ok mommy."

The little girl turned and ran out of sight.

Derek took a deep breath before standing slowly to come face to face once again with the brunette.

"Wow." He almost whispered, raising his brow.

"I know." She breathed, a tiny smile threatening to don her lips.

"Look Emily…" He started, holding a hand out as if pleading, "…. I'm sorry I just rocked up like this. I didn't mean to upset you. I just wanna talk… Please, can we just start over?"

"Ok." She nodded.

"May be start with opening this gate?" He said hopefully.

"Of course…" She uttered with a small smile, reaching out of sight for the key, "I'm sorry. Come in."

Moving to the side, she allowed him to pass her and signalled towards the kitchen at the end of the hallway. He moved cautiously, taking in the surroundings as best he could, just in case it was the only time he would see them.

"You want a drink?" She asked, as he took a seat at the large, antique oak kitchen table.

"I'll have a coffee thanks."

"Black, one sugar?"

"Yeah." He smiled, finding himself happy for the mere fact she remembered how he took his coffee.

He scrutinised her now that he had an unobstructed view as they remained in silence and she made the coffee. She was thin… not the slim, toned, healthy Emily he remembered… but thin. Her shoulders blades threatened to pierce through the white cotton vest top she wore, her face was gaunt and her skin had lost its glow… it's beautiful brightness. She almost looked ill.

"How have you been?" He asked, lost for what else to say. He'd waited for this moment for four years and this was all he could manage.

"I've been ok…" She answered, her words nervous and quiet, "… You?"

When he said nothing she turned to look at him. Those familiar dark brown eyes bore into her, the hurt from the past few years pouring out of them. She couldn't bare to look at them, so she turned back to pick up the mugs of steaming coffee and walked over to the table, placing them gently down and sitting opposite him.

"How's everyone else? The team?"

He nodded, "Yeah… they're good."

She forced a small smile, "I'm glad."

The atmosphere was thick. She felt her skin burning all over, anxious for him to begin really talking to her and his hands were shaking, nervous for her to begin giving him answers he was now very unsure he wanted to hear.

"You didn't tell me her name." He said, delaying.

A warm smile suddenly lit up her face, "Taylor. Her name's Taylor."

"That's pretty."

"I always liked boys names for girls. I don't know why." She lightly chuckled nervously.

"I know…." He swallowed hard as he gazed at her, "….. I remember."

_She remembered… _

_The day they sat in the park on a roasting hot day. He'd turned up at her place the morning after she'd been on a tough case as a surprise, a picnic basket hanging off one finger and a grin taking up most of his face. He drove her to Rock Creek Park and they sat eating the sandwiches and drinking the soda he'd packed, watching the numerous families dotted about… some playing, some eating, some laughing…. He wrapped his arms around her and whispered into her ear, "If you had one of those…" Pointing to a little brother and sister running around in circles after one another, "…what would you call him or her?"_

_She shrugged her shoulders._

"_Come on. Every girl has thought about that." He teased, tickling the sensitive spot on her side, just above the waist._

_She squirmed under him, "What would you call yours?" She deflected._

"_I said every 'girl' Emily."_

_She chuckled, "Come on. I know you have names."_

"_You really wanna know?"_

_She nodded._

"_Ok. For a boy… Riley. I like Riley."_

"_Hmmm…" She mused, "….I like that."_

_He grinned at her and squeezed her a little, "May be one day we can make a little Riley then." He whispered._

_She twisted her head to face him, planting a soft kiss to his lips, "May be." She breathed._

"_So come on…" He began, pulling away from her just a little, "…. Names!"_

_She scrunched her nose, "You're probably gonna think this is weird, but I actually kinda like boys names for girls."_

"_Eh?" He looked confused._

"_You know like, Alex, Jordan, Charlie, Taylor… Names like that."_

"_Hmmm…." He pondered, "…they sound pretty cool."_

"_Exactly." _

"_Well may be can make one of those too." His words muffled as he placed a soft kiss to her temple._

"_May be." She smiled._

May be…

"She seems like a real sweet girl Emily." He said sincerely, watching her intently as she smiled, looking as if she was somewhere far away.

"Huh?" She mumbled, falling out of her trance.

"I said she seems like a sweet girl."

"She is. She's amazing…" The brunette shook her head as if she didn't believe it herself, "…. She's a good girl."

"I can see that."

He lost her gaze as she looked downward and he saw her chest rise before she met his stare once again, "How did you find me?" She asked.

"How do you think?"

"Garcia." She stated.

"Of course."

"I didn't think you'd involve her."

"Why not? She misses you too. Everyone does."

"So why now? It wouldn't of taken her four years to find me."

He shook his head, "Four years I have battled with myself Emily. The part of me that loves you wanted to do what you asked and not look for you. But the other part of me that loves you…" He paused as those beautiful eyes he remembered connected with his. It was if she were shocked by his words, "…..I wanted to know if you meant it."

"Meant what?" Her words broke.

She watched as he reached into his back pocket and pulled out a small piece of paper. It was folded up, but it was clear from the hundreds of crease lines that it had been scrunched up into a ball at some point….. She was pretty sure roughly four years ago.

He opened it up and held it out to her, "_I will always love you_….. That's what it says…."

He put the piece of the paper flat on the table and pushed it towards her with one finger. She glanced momentarily at it, but quickly looked back up to him, not needing to read it. She remembered.

He read again, "_Derek._ _I will always love you. Please believe that. I hope one day you can forgive me. I'm sorry…"_

"_Please don't look for me_." She interrupted slowly, not removing her gaze from upon him.

"_All my love, Always. Emily," _He finished off, staring at her.

But no response…

"Well? Did you mean it?"

"Which part?" She asked sheepishly, just buying more time.

He shook his head with a sarcastic half smile, "You _know_ which part."

But she didn't answer. Just glared at him, her foot tapping incessantly on the tiled floor, pressing her lips together to hide the quiver.

"Y'know…" He sighed, realising she was not just going to give this up easily, "….For the past few years I've tried to forget you. Tried to move on. I've tried to be so angry with you that I didn't love you anymore….. But I failed. As long as I believed you might still love me, I couldn't move on and in the end I gave in….. I had to come and find you and find out one way or another."

"You should hate me." She uttered, an odd determination in her eyes.

"Yeah, may be I should. You walked out on me with no explanation. One day you loved me and couldn't get enough and then the next…." He paused, leaning forward and took a deep breath, "…. Those few weeks before you left you were so cold. And then you just went. You broke my heart Emily…. So yeah, I should hate you. But I'm not gonna accept that there wasn't a good reason for you leaving the way you did. There has to be."

She stared blankly at the table, taking long laboured breaths.

"Emily. I…"

"Yes." She interrupted with some force.

"Yes what?"

She looked up, staring him in the eye, "Yes. I still love you Derek…." Her chest heaved faster and the moisture began to form in her eyes, "…But it doesn't change where we are now."

"What both miserable and alone…? Yeah great place to be Emily." His tone becoming more angry.

"I'm alright." She uttered through gritted teeth, her finger now tapping in time with her foot.

"Alright?" He scoffed with a sarcastic smile and a shake of the head, "…Look around you. You're living in the middle of nowhere like a prisoner in your own home. You've got bars up every window and door. I saw at least three hidey holes for automatic weapons and that's just what I could see from the hallway. You've got security cameras everywhere, five locks on the front door and you're living in a place where the crime rate is zero. What is going on?"

"Nothing." She defended.

"That's bullshit. I mean do you ever go out? Does Taylor ever leave the house?"

And at that moment, as he saw the look in her eyes change from sorrow to venom, he regretted those last words.

"Emily, I'm sor…"

He stopped as she suddenly stood, pushing her chair back with some force and heading for the other side of the room. She ripped a calendar off the wall and flung it down on the table in front of him.

"Here…" She said pointing to her familiar writing, "…. Monday is swimming. Tuesday dance class. Wednesday playgroup. Thursday birthday party. Friday…"

"Ok Emily." He pleaded.

"Don't you dare question my ability to bring up that child. I love her more than anything." She spat.

"Of course. I know that and I'm sorry. But I'm just trying to figure out what the hell's going on."

She grabbed the calendar and returned it to it's place on the wall.

"Emily. Don't you think I deserve some explanation?"

She remained in silence, positioning herself by the kitchen sink, grabbing what crockery she could find and throwing it in the sink…. Something was bound to soon break.

He sat and watched her, then distracted, glancing over to the photos of Taylor pinned on the walls. That sweet little girl, with a beaming smile looking right at him. She was the answer, but he didn't want to believe it.

"So. Does he know?" He called out in an attempt to be heard over the abrasive crashing noises.

"What?" She said, stopping what she was doing, but keeping her back to him.

"Does he know?"

"Who?"

"Kyle…"

She flinched as the name left Morgan's lips…..

**What do you think? Next chapter is nearly done. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for all the reviews and follows…. Some of you may have figured this out, but hopefully you will still enjoy the rest of the story **

"Does he know?"

"Who?"

"Kyle…"

She flinched as the name left Morgan's lips.

"Kyle?" She questioned, turning to face him.

_Kyle… _

_Morgan sat, staring at the small handwritten note that she had left on his desk at some point before he had gotten to work that morning. It was her handwriting….. a little messy, but not as messy and rushed as usual. There was something elegant about it… The way she looped her 'y's. The way the 'D' for Derek was extra large and sweeping. The way the lines were perfectly straight and the writing all joined up in jet black ink. It was a small note, but she had taken her time…. _

'Derek. I will always love you. Please believe that.

I hope one day you can forgive me. I'm sorry.

Please don't look for me.

All my love, always.

Emily x.'

_But the large 'D' was soon smudged as he quickly tried to wipe the solitary tear that had fallen upon it. He bit his lip in frustration, mad with himself for ruining it. But then he was mad with her. It was her fault. Why had she done this? Why did she leave with no explanation? Why did she leave him all alone? Why? _

_He scrunched up the paper in anger and with venom, threw it across the room, pounding his fist on the desk before burying his face in his hands. The salt water stung his eyes as he scrunched them tight willing this feeling to disappear so he could think straight, but as he battled with himself, an interruption came;_

"_Hey Morgan…"_

_The dark profiler quickly looked up to see the Agent from Emily's Unit..._

_David Kyle chuckled, "Gees man. You look like shit."_

"_What do you want Kyle?" Morgan sighed impatiently, no time for anyone right now._

"_What happened to Prentiss?"_

_The profiler's brow dipped, "What are you talking about? Did something happen to her?" He asked swiftly, standing up._

_Kyle shook his head, "You mean you don't know?"_

"_Jesus Christ Kyle…." Morgan spat impatiently, raising his voice and quickly walking round the desk, "….Will you just tell me what the hell's going on."_

"_Prentiss left a resignation letter on Brannigan's desk this morning….." He shrugged, "….She's cleared her desk and gone. Not a word. We've not seen her and we'd like to know what's going on."_

_The Agent paused and watched Morgan who stood as still as a statue, staring at a blank spot on the floor._

"_Morgan…?" He continued, taking a further step into the room, "….You mean you don't know what's going on?" He paused, "… She is your girlfriend."_

_His words were suspicious and the dark profiler shifted his gaze up to Kyle, examining his face. _

"_She is your girlfriend. Right?" Kyle asked, an expectancy in his tone._

_Morgan remained silent, but his chest was heaving…. Slowly, but it was heaving._

_A smirk crept across the tall Agent's face, "You split up." He stated, way too much satisfaction in his words for Morgan's liking._

_His face scrunched up even more and he closed the gap between them, but Kyle did not flinch at the sudden movement, just stood steadfast._

"_What's that got to do with you?" Morgan growled, his forefinger pressed against Kyle's chest._

_The blond Agent held his hands out to the side in surrender, but the smirk widened, "Hey, it's not my fault you couldn't keep a tight reign on your woman."_

"_What the hell does that mean?" Morgan snarled, his face barely an inch from Kyle's._

"_Hmmmm…." Kyle started, air escaping from in between his lips, "….Let's face it, she's always been a bit of a wild child. Difficult to keep a woman like that satisfied."_

_Morgan shoved his forearm across Kyle's chest, knocking the Agent back against the wall, "What the hell are you getting at? What do you know Kyle?" The dark profiler growled, the words slow and enunciated._

"_Nothing… " He shrugged, "May be I'll just try calling her….." Kyle uttered nonchalantly, "…. Now if you don't mind." He glanced down at Morgan's grip on him, maintaining his air of coolness._

_The profiler held his stare on the tall man for a few seconds, his dark eyes locked onto Kyle's piercing blue eyes. Eventually he took a step back, then watched as Kyle slid to the side and casually began to walk away, but not before stealing one last glance at Morgan…. One smug, knowing smirk. What the hell was his game?_

What the hell was his game?

"Yes Kyle…." He muttered through gritted teeth, "…. Does he know he's got a daughter?"

"Derek, just leave it." She uttered.

"No." He said firmly, shaking his head.

She looked him straight in the eyes, "Don't do this."

"Oh, I'm gonna do this." Morgan stated, "… If he's the reason you left me the way you did, I wanna know."

"It's not him…." She said shaking her head. "…He's not the reason….."

"That's bullshit Emily!" He spat, "…. Taylor is the…."

"Shut up." She interrupted, staring at him. Her nostrils flared a little as the anger began to rise. "Don't bring her into this."

"But she is his right?"

"Just get out." She growled, slow and quiet.

"What?" Morgan asked, taken aback.

"I said get out!" She barked, stepping forward and flinging her arm towards the front door.

"He doesn't know does he?" Morgan stated, refusing to move.

"It's none of your business!"

"None of my business…?" He scoffed in disbelief, "…. It is if you left me for him."

"Is that what you think?" She asked, taking another step towards him and glaring at him straight in the eyes.

He shrugged and held out his hands, "What else am I supposed to think?"

She just stared at him, shaking her head slowly.

He stood there, not knowing what to do. He didn't know where to look. What to say. Where to go with this and she was showing no sign of helping him out.

He glanced up to the picture of Taylor that hung above the fridge and saw Kyle's eyes glaring back at him. His next question was really irrelevant to him, but the only thing he could think to say.

"But if Kyle's got a daughter, surely he has the right to know…" He muttered, the words flat and unconvincing.

"I owe him nothing." She spat.

Morgan looked at her with searching eyes. Where was his Emily? The woman that stood before him was cold, angry and bitter. He had come all this way to find her; To get some answers. Make things better. To tell her he loved her… and this is what he got in return.

He shook his head, placing his hands on his hips, "I don't understand any of this. I mean Kyle? Seriously Emily?" He raised his voice, "…. David fucking Kyle!"

She made a sudden movement, gliding past him and shut the kitchen door, turning to lean against it. She took a long breath and then looked up at him, "I'm glad you think so highly of me Derek."

He exhaled dejectedly, "What the hell am I supposed to think….?" His tone more pleading, "…What would you think?"

She shrugged her shoulders tiredly and walked past him, her arms folded around herself.

He pursed his lips together as his chest heaved, "Just tell me goddamit!" He snapped as the frustration grew in him.

She flung round to face him, her eyes large and wild, "I mean it Derek. Just get out and leave me alone." She said forcefully.

"Emily, I…"

But before he could finish his sentence, she flung her body round to face away from him, gripping the work surface to steady herself, "Just go!" She shouted.

He stood and watched her for a few seconds…. He could see her fragile frame expanding and contracting as her breaths became deeper and faster.

He took some deep breaths himself in an attempt to calm down before closing the gap between them, slowly and carefully. But as he lifted his arm to touch her shoulder in some sort of offer of an apology or peacemaking, she flinched away from him and it broke his heart once again, remembering that same reaction time and time again all those years ago.

He swallowed hard as he glanced at her fingers gripping the wooden surface with the skin over her knuckles turning bright white from the strain…. He thought her bones may just snap in two.

"Was it me?" He uttered, "Did I do something wrong?"

She placed one hand to her forehead, rubbing her temple hard and then shook her head slowly.

"Ok….." He breathed, "Look. Emily. May be I shouldn't have just turned up like this and expected you to…." He exhaled, thinking of the words, "….. Well, it was never meant to go this way. I just wanted to talk, but finding out about Talyor has just thrown me. It was just a shock."

He waited for a response, but nothing came, "I know you….." He continued, his words now soft and a little broken, "This isn't the real you right now. I know it isn't, but I backed you into a corner and I get it. Whatever you did back then, I know you would have done for a good reason and whatever that reason is, you can tell me."

Taking in a long defeated breath, he reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a small card. He slid it onto the counter and in front of her, "….I've booked into a motel in Wilmington for three nights. My cell number is on this card. If you change your mind and want to talk, please ring me. We can do it on your terms."

She stood like a statue, still refusing to look at him.

"Bye Emily." He whispered, before turning to walk away.

He began to make his way slowly through the hallway, but halted as he heard a sniff coming from behind him. He turned back and saw her still stood in the same position, but her shoulders were juddering and her head hung low. He stared, battling with himself whether he should go to her, but just as he was about to take a step back, his attention was suddenly drawn to the room off to the left. Taylor was stood in the doorway, leant against the frame, gazing at him.

"Are you leaving Derek?" She asked, looking up to him with curious big eyes.

He turned to see if Emily was watching, but she was now nowhere to be seen. Taking a step towards the little girl, he leant down to her.

"I am sweetheart…" He said, holding out his hand to her, "….. It was nice to meet you." He winked with a smile.

Taylor shook his big hand and gave him the sweetest smile he had seen in a long time, "Are you coming back to see mommy again?"

"I hope so kiddo…." He whispered, ruffling the top of her head gently. He glanced aback again, but she still was not in sight. "….. Now, can you do one thing for me when I go?" He said looking back at the little girl.

She nodded dutifully.

"Go and give your mommy a _big big_ hug."

"Why?" She asked, cocking her head to one side, "Is she sad?"

He pressed his lips together subduing his sad smile. She was just a miniature Emily talking back at him, "No sweetheart. She's fine, but I think she'd like a cuddle."

"Why don't you give her a cuddle then? You can give bigger cuddles than me."

He chuckled, "May be next time…." He half smiled. "…. But I've gotta get going now." He uttered as he stood, "See ya Taylor." He whispered, then turned and made his way out of the door.

As he walked slowly along the drive way he could hear several clicks from the numerous locks on the other side of the front door being shut tight. He dared to look back once again. He could see nothing at the door for gate, but smiled as his eyes spied the little girl tucked in between the net curtain and the window enthusiastically waving goodbye. He gave a prolonged wave back, then took a deep defeated breath and turned away praying that wouldn't be the last time he saw her.

Emily slid the last of the dead bolt locks and then turned, letting the door take the full weight of her body. Her head fell against the wooden frame and she exhaled in an attempt to slow down the rapid beat of her heart against her chest. The image of him with that look he had just given her was burnt into her brain …. That look of bewilderment and hurt; She had seen it all before and as she closed her eyes, she drifted back to the last time she'd seen him look at her that way…. The last time she'd seen him.

"_Emily?" She heard him call out as she closed his front door behind her._

"_Yeah I'm here." She responded, her words tired after a tough day._

_She forced a smile as he appeared in the hallway, a big happy grin on his face as he wiped his hands on a dish cloth._

"_I hope you're hungry…." He began, making his way over to her and signalling for her to turn around, "….I made your favourite."_

"_You shouldn't have gone to any trouble Derek." _

_He slipped the heavy coat off her shoulders, hung it on the coat hook and turned her back around, placing his hands on her shoulders, "Em, I know you've been stressed lately. I just want to cheer you up." He uttered leaning in. _

_But she did it again, just the same as she had for the past few weeks. She turned and offered only her cheek. _

_He allowed his lips to linger on her skin a little longer than necessary to allow time to compose himself, before pulling away. He held her arms, looking at her with those pained dark eyes, pleading with her to explain. But they stood in silence;_

_As he let go of her, she felt that bolt of guilt pierce through her again and she wanted to say she was sorry for doing this to him. She wanted to put her arms around him and let him hold her…. make her feel safe as he always did. She wanted to tell him the truth. He deserved that….. but those walls she had built around her and all those years of her life she had trained herself to keep it all in, were taking over. Everything was shutting down._

"_C'mon…" He whispered, the dejection in his voice not lost on her, "…the food will get cold."_

_She watched him hold out his hand to her, ready to lead her to the kitchen as he used to, but before she could refuse, he pulled his arm back, knowing what was to come from her and walked away._

_She was breaking him…. And it was breaking her. She couldn't watch herself do this to him for much longer._

_They sat, both half heartedly eating the food he had prepared, small talk about their work day scattered with momentary awkward silences, until he let his fork fall onto the plate and leaned back in the chair, staring at her._

"_Emily. We need to talk." He uttered._

_She dipped her head, staring at her plate, pushing the food round._

"_Emily…" He said a little firmer._

"_I need some water." She said, standing immediately and making for the sink._

_She grabbed a glass and just as she went to lean towards the faucet she felt his hands on her hips. She jumped as she turned to face him and within a split second the glass hit the floor and smashed into a thousand pieces._

"_Are you serious Emily….?" He sighed, pressing his lips together to hold in the frustration building, "…. I can't even touch you without you jumping out of your skin."_

_She swallowed hard and shook her head, "No, It's not like that." She bargained._

"_So will you please tell me what the hell is going on? For weeks now, you haven't let me near you. You've been distant and you won't talk to me anymore."_

"_We just talked." She offered weakly._

_He scoffed sarcastically, "You know what I mean. What the hell is going on with us?" He looked down and she saw him take a laboured breath in, holding in his tears, "…. I miss us." He mumbled, returning to her gaze, his dark eyes glistening from the moisture._

_She definitely couldn't do this anymore…._

"_It's not you Der…"_

"_Don't you dare." He interrupted, a hint of venom in his tone._

"_What?" She muttered._

"_Don't you dare say 'it's not you, it's me'." He almost growled with a shake of the head._

_He stared at her intently, pleading for answers, but all he saw was her face begin to break and tears form in the corners of her eyes._

"_I can't do this…" She stuttered, her breaths more rapid and her chest heaving._

"_Emily?" He said making a move to shift a little closer, but it happened again. She flinched and before he knew it, she had slid to the side and was rushing out of the room. _

"_Emily!" He shouted, following her into the hallway._

"_I can't breathe Derek…. Please…." She said desperately._

_She stopped in the open doorway and looked back at him, tears streaming down her face… "I'm so sorry…" She paused, gasping for breath, "…. I really am. But I can't do this anymore."_

I can't do this anymore…

"Mommy?"

She opened her eyes almost startled upon hearing her daughter and feeling the small tug on her hand.

"What's up sweetie?" She smiled down to Taylor.

"Why are you crying mommy?"

Emily quickly wiped the streaming tears off her face with the back of her free hand.

"I'm ok baby." She assured.

"But Derek said you weren't sad."

"What do you mean? What did Derek say?" The brunette asked, kneeling down so she was eye to eye with the little girl.

"Derek said I should give you a cuddle, but he said it wasn't because you were sad. But you are sad."

"I'm not baby. I'm fine…" She said, brushing Taylor's hair off her shoulders and behind her back, "….Now how about that cuddle."

The little girl smiled and flung her arms around Emily's neck and brunette held on to her tight, not wanting her to see the tears that returned as she thought of the man who had just walked away…

_I miss us too._


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks for your reviews and patience…. I have too many stories on the go (I'll slap my own wrists).**

**So, this chapter is quite angsty. Just a warning, it may be a little distressing… it's not graphic though. Anyway, it's a necessary part of the story. Hope you enjoy (if that's the right word… probably not). I'll be honest, I'm a little nervous posting this one.**

"You had enough sweetie?" Emily asked as Taylor placed her knife and fork either side of her plate on the kitchen table.

"Yes mommy." She said, staring at her mother with curious eyes, "Why didn't you eat your dinner?"

The brunette forced a small smile, looking at the plate full of food in front of her, "I just don't feel very well. I'll save it for later." She lied.

"You look sad mommy."

"I'm not. I'm ok baby. Do you want some desert?" She deflected.

Taylor nodded enthusiastically and as Emily made her way to the freezer to get some ice-cream, the little girl slipped off her chair and scurried out of the kitchen.

Emily frowned, placing the small bowl of ice-cream on the table and making her way to the door, "Taylor." She called. "Where are you?"

"Just coming!"

Her quick little footsteps could be heard running down the stairs, and Emily returned to the table, sitting down to sip on her hot cup of coffee.

She spied Taylor curiously as she skipped towards her, a wooden picture frame in her hands.

"What you got there baby?" She asked.

Taylor stood proud next to Emily and turned the frame around revealing the picture taken on Reid's birthday about two months after JJ's wedding. Rossi had his arm around Hotch's shoulder, both the men with big smiles beaming at the camera. Reid was in the middle sat on a bar stool with Garcia and JJ either side kissing a cheek each. Derek was also sat, one arm around the back of the Doctor, displaying a 'peace' sign with his fingers behind his head and Emily sat on Derek's one knee, an arm wrapped around his waist, looking at him with a big, warm smile, caught off guard as Kevin took the pcture.

"That's Derek isn't it mommy?" Taylor said, offering the photo frame.

Emily swallowed, and this time a genuine smile formed upon her lips, "Yeah that's Derek." She said softy, taking the frame and studying it more closely.

"He made you smile a _big_ smile." The little girl stated.

"He certainly did." She uttered, tracing a finger across the dusty glass.

"Who are all the other people?" Taylor asked, pointing to the rest of the team.

Emily set the photo on the table and reached down, lifting Taylor on to her lap and placing her arms around her, picking up the frame once again.

"They are some of my very good, old friends. I used to work with them."

"Did you work like Kacey's mommy in an office?"

"Yeah, it was an office." Emily smiled, then pointing to Hotch, "That was my boss…. He told us all what to do."

"Like Mrs Pembleton at playgroup?"

"Yes. Just like Mrs Pembleton." She said, pointing to Rossi, "That's Uncle Dave. He was really good to mommy. That's Spencer. He is really really clever, just like you." Emily said, nudging Taylor's head gently with her own. "And that's Aunty Penelope and Aunty JJ. They are very special friends….. My best friends. They would love you and spoil you a lot." She muttered contemplatively.

"Can we go and see them?"

Emily paused, taking a long breath before answering, "I don't know sweetie. May be one day."

"What about Derek? Can we see him? I liked him."

"You did?" Emily smiled.

Taylor nodded enthusiastically, "Was Derek your best friend too, like P'nele… Penel…"

"Penelope." The brunette chuckled, "and JJ."

"Yeah, P'nelope and JJ?"

"Yeah he was… He was a very special friend." She said, squeezing the little girl a bit more for her own comfort.

Taylor leant forward and grabbed the bowl of vanilla and chocolate ice cream, sliding it towards herself. She took a spoonful and bought it to her mouth, pausing just before taking a mouthful, "Tell me a story about him."

"A story?"

"Hmmm." She nodded, gulping down the desert.

Emily watched her daughter spoon the ice cream into her mouth as she thought about her memories with him, the last few months before she left being the happiest;

"Well, there one time that Derek was taking me out for dinner….."

"_About time." Derek emphasised as Emily jumped in the passenger seat of his SUV outside Quantico, "I've been waiting for ages." He moaned._

"_Oh, I'll just tell Brannigan that the case will have to wait because my boyfriend's hungry." She mocked._

"_I haven't eaten all day."_

"_Me neither. Now stop your whining and drive."_

"_Yes ma'am." He teased, putting the car in drive and pulling away. "So where do you wanna go? The Sizzler? Or something a bit more fancy?"_

"_The mood you're in, something quick and easy." She chuckled._

_The sun had set and they'd made it half way into town through the busy streets._

"_What's all this traffic about?" She asked as they pulled up behind the row of stationary vehicles._

"_I have no idea, but I know a short cut." He said, indicating and pulling around the cars in front, slipping into a side street._

"_Gees, not one of your shortcuts that end up always being…."_

"_Ahh, that's what it is." He interrupted._

"_What?" _

"_The fun fair is in town….. and I smell hot dogs." He said, glancing at her with a raise of the brow and a grin._

"_Hot dogs?" She repeated with a sarcastic tone._

"_Yeah. When was the last time you had one of those?"_

"_A very very long time ago….. and that's for a good reason."_

"_Come on." He said, pulling the SUV over and putting it in park._

…_.._

"_You enjoy that?" She asked, as he licked the tips of his fingers one by one of the yellow mustard._

"_That was a good hot dog." He smiled, placing his arm around her shoulders and pulling her into him as they walked._

_But suddenly she broke away from him._

"_Where are you going?" He called after her._

"_Candyfloss." She shouted, pointing in front of her._

"_Candyfloss?" He chuckled as he joined her at the stall, "Never had you down as a candyfloss girl."_

"_Mmmm." She mumbled, taking a mouthful of the pink fluff, "Love it. There was a place that sold it near where we lived in France. I used to eat it till I was sick."_

"_Give me some then." He reached out._

"_Uh uh…." She said, moving the candy floss out of his grasp. "This is mine. Get your own buddy."_

"_You're gonna eat all that?" He said with a raised brow._

"_Yep. I'm a big girl now." She winked._

_The place was bustling with noise, lights and music. There was so much going on, yet they felt like they were in their own little bubble as they slowly walked through the hoards of people, gradually finishing off the sweet candy._

"_Gees, look at the muscles on him." Emily said, pointing to the bald, tattooed, truck driver type, raising the large mallet above his head and swinging it down on to the lever._

"_He's not that big." Derek scoffed…. "See, he couldn't even hit the target." He said, as the lit puck flew up the tower and fell short of the top._

"_You reckon you could do better?" She teased._

"_Yep." He said, handing her the left over candyfloss and rolling up his sleeves, "It's all about technique."_

_Emily followed him to the tower with a smirk and a roll of the eyes._

"_What do you win then?" Derek asked the man as he handed over the two dollars._

"_Top prize is any of them up there." He said, pointing to the line of three foot high cuddly toys attached to the fencing._

_Derek looked back to Emily, "So, which one do you want?" He asked in all seriousness.._

_Emily scanned the toys and then looked back to him with a smile._

"_Well, which one?" He asked again._

"_The dog is kinda cute…. But it doesn't matter if you don't…" _

_She stopped as he had turned away and was grasping the mallet in his hands, a serious expression on his face._

_He stood above the lever, spread his legs shoulder width apart for balance and concentrated on his target. He wound the mallet upwards and bought it down with a crash._

_They both watched as the puck climbed the tower, falling short of the top by about a foot._

"_Oh well." Emily started, "Never mind." _

_He turned back to look at her with a frown, "I'm having another go." He told her, reaching into his pocket for more cash._

_Five minutes later, Emily took a step forward, "Derek, just leave it. It really doesn't matter." She leaned into him, "It's probably a fix anyway." She whispered._

_He shook his head, a few beads of sweat beginning to form on his forehead, "No. I'm going to do this." He said, slipping his jacket off and handing it to her._

"Did you get the doggy?" Taylor asked, turning to look at Emily.

"Yep." She nodded, a smile forming. By the end, he was out of breath, his muscled torso and arms on show through his white T-shirt drenched in sweat and he was thirty four dollars worse off.

"What happened to the doggy mommy?

"You know Clooney?"

Her eyes brightened up, "Derek got you Clooney?"

"Yes. He named him too."

"Why did he call him Clooney? That's a funny name." She giggled, scrunching up her nose.

"That was the name of his real dog." Emily told her.

"Can we go and see the real Clooney?" She asked excitedly.

Emily looked at her daughter with sad eyes, "No baby. Clooney's in doggy heaven now." She said, hugging her into her as she saw the smile disappear from Taylor's face.

"Oh….. Was Derek sad?"

"He was….. Very sad."

"May be Derek would like to come and see our Clooney. He can give him a cuddle like I do. That will make him feel better."

"May be." Emily whispered, guiding Taylor off her lap, "Come on now. It's bed time."

"Can Clooney sleep in my bed tonight?" She asked as she walked up the stairs, followed on behind by Emily.

"Sure sweetie."

~~CM~~

It was 04:17 am when Emily looked at her clock for the umpteenth time. She rolled over in defeat and switched on the beside lamp, immediately spying the team photo she had placed there…. Derek's face beamed at her from inside the frame. She got out of bed and tiptoed to the other side of her room, reaching up to the top of her wardrobe, pulling out a red box that had sat there since she had moved in. It was caked in dust, which she quickly wiped away and then returned to the bed, sitting up against the headboard. She hesitated before opening the box tentatively, her hands shaking a little.

All these years she had been scared to delve into this box. A box full of happy memories… photos, hand written notes, movie ticket stubs, a dried single red rose… you name it, she'd kept it. But until now, it had been far too much of a risk to go there. A reminder of what she was missing…. But that was done now. Him showing up had broken that wall of denial she had built around her…. Those memories were whirling around her head and wouldn't go away;

After removing the final photo from the bottom of the box… a photo of her and Derek, her wearing Derek's old Chicago Bears cap and both of them holding those ridiculous foam fingers, Soldier Field Stadium in the background, full of happy spectators, she reached over and picked up her cell, tapping away with nervous fingers;

'_If you still want to, meet me later at 12 o'clock by the green bench at the dock in Wilmington. I'm sorry about earlier. E.x'_

~~CM~~

She got there early after a morning of her stomach churning with nerves, unable to eat a thing.

She was anxious to get there. She wanted this moment, but she didn't want it….. It had been four years and she had no idea how he would react.

She parked her black Buick and stepped out in to the fresh air, the sun beating on her skin. She had half an hour before she was due to meet him, so she decided to walk along the sea front to go over what she would say to him again. She had come up with a hundred versions in her mind over the past few hours, but none made it sound any easier to swallow.

Slipping off her shoes, she felt the soft warm sand hug her feet, and began to walk. The seagulls squawked along the coastline, children skipped in and out of the water and older folks walked their dogs. They all looked so happy. So content… such a far cry from the riot going on in her head right now.

After only a few minutes though, she stopped dead her tracks….. He was some distance away, but there was no mistaking, even though he had his back to her; It was his frame sat on the sand looking out onto the blue ocean. Those broad shoulders, toned arms and smooth dark skin hadn't changed one bit.

She took a deep breath and made her way over to him;

"Hey." She muttered, lowering herself down to sit next to him on the sand.

He turned to look at her, a half cautious smile forming, "Hey." He whispered back.

"You're early." She said softly.

"So are you." He shrugged, the smile widening just a little.

"What you smiling at?" She asked, unable to not mirror his features.

"_We_ never used to be early for anything."

"You mean _you_ were always late. You have no idea how much it used to annoy me." She half chuckled.

"Oh I think I do." He said with a reminiscent smile. "You just had to give me _that_ look."

"That look?" She repeated with a raised brow.

"Yeah. Not too dissimilar to the one you have now."

She stared at him, her features softening as she looked into those familiar dark eyes she had missed so much. They hadn't changed much, apart from may be a little more tired, but she could probably put that down to him having about as much sleep as she had had…. Especially considering he'd replied to her text message only two minutes after she had sent it.

His could only hold her stare for a few seconds before he turned to gaze downward, unsure of what he should do next.

"I'm sorry." She whispered, tentatively reaching out a hand to him, but stopping short of actually connecting with his arm.

He looked up and stared back at her.

"I'm sorry I threw you out yesterday…" She continued, "… You just caught me off guard and…."

"It's ok…" He muttered, "…..I should have given you some notice. I get that."

Shaking her head, she sighed, "No. I think you did the right thing."

"Really?" He said with surprise.

She nodded, with a sorry smile, knowing that if he had called ahead, she would probably have told him not to come….Not because she didn't want to see him, but because she was too scared to see him.

But here they were….

"And now we're here, I don't know where to start." She nervously chuckled.

He took a deep breath, "How about telling me when Taylor's birthday is." He suggested, staring into her.

Her eyes widened and she shifted awkwardly, "I guess that's as good a place as any…." She began, pulling her knees up to her chest and hugging her arms around them, bracing herself before answering him, "…. I was pregnant with her before I left. I guess that's why you're asking." She said gently, as if it would soften the blow a little.

Frown lines began to appear as his eyes bore deeper into her. She felt herself pull her body in tighter as if she wanted to shrink and disappear.

"So you did cheat on me then?" His words quiet and broken…. unnervingly calm.

"No." She breathed, shaking her head.

"But you must have slept with him whilst we were together?" He clarified.

"No." She repeated, not breaking eye contact. She wanted him to read her. To know she was not lying.

"Ok, you're really confusing me Emily. If you didn't sleep with him whilst we were together, then how…."

He stopped as he watched her bottom lip begin to quiver and saw a fear in her eyes he wasn't sure he had ever seen. He frowned. Her eyes appeared to be getting bigger and bigger as they pleaded with him…. Begged him for help and then realisation began to set.

"Oh my God…." He muttered, swallowing hard as he shook his head, "…Please don't tell me he…"

His chest rose and fell hard as he watched her, unable to finish the sentence. She suddenly averted his stare and looked down at the sand and he saw her one hand shake as she lifted it to sweep away a strand of wayward hair that blown across her face.

His hands dug into the sand either side of him as he battled with the thoughts in his head.

"Emily…?" He muttered slowly, "Did he force you?" He breathed.

He prayed the answer would be no….. Even if it meant she had cheated, he still prayed the answer would be no.

She pressed her lips together and closed her eyes, steadying her breathing before she answered him.

She turned and looked him straight in the eye, "Yes." She whispered with a tiny nod of the head.

His face creased and he swallowed hard, gasping for his next breath, "Jesus Christ Emily. Why didn't you tell me?" His words were broken and desperate.

She shook her head slowly, and tears began to fall, "I don't know. I just…"

She stopped and her chest stuttered as she battled for her next breath.

"Hey. Hey." He uttered, shifting a little closer, "It's ok….."

He paused, wondering if this was the right move. But he decided he would take his chances….. It felt like it was the only move right now, "…. Come here?" He asked expectantly, holding out an arm to her.

She looked at him and then looked to his chest…. she remembered how it felt to be nestled into him. To feel safe and secure, a feeling she hadn't had for years. A feeling she convinced herself she would never have again.

She studied him hard, looking for a look of anger or hatred or disgust, but of course it was not there…. There was pain and pity and sorrow… but no disgust…. May be that would come later she feared. It was _that_ she had feared all along.

"It's ok Emily. Come here." He whispered, as if he had just read her like a book.

She paused, but eventually shuffled to the side and fell into his body, his strong arm enveloping her small frame. And at that point, she was no longer strong. At that point she let the tears come. Sobbing into his chest, her body shaking. This was four years of holding it in. Four years of not admitting out loud what had happened to her. Four years of not having a living soul to confide in. This was the one place she felt safe to do all of this… in his arms.

As he sat and held her for the next few minutes he closed his eyes to try and focus his mind, but it was near impossible… He was angry at Kyle; He wished the man were in front of him now to rid himself of this fury and frustration….. He was braking for Emily; The thought of something so horrible happening to her and her going through it alone…. again… made him ache inside…. He was curious; He had a million and one questions dancing around his thoughts, but had to resist as she leaned on him. She had given him her full body weight….. So he held on tight to her, trying to concentrate on having her back in his arms… something he thought would never happen again. She may be a little smaller, definitely broken, but she was his Emily… It was her touch. Her voice. Her smell. Her soft breath…. and it strangely felt like she had never been away from him.

As he felt her shivers subside, he rubbed her one arm gently, "Have you told anyone about this?" He asked gently into her dark hair.

She shook her head.

He breathed a sigh and shook his head, "Do you wanna tell me what happened?" He asked cautiously, "You don't have to but…"

She suddenly pulled away from him and looked him the eye, "I want to." She nodded, "You deserve to know what happened."

"This isn't about me." He shook his head, "But may be it would be good for you to talk about it. But only if you want to." He reassured.

"I do." She nodded.

"Ok." He whispered with a little uncertainty.

"But I'm going to be totally honest with you…. you have to hear me out. Ok?"

"Of course."

She sat back and bought her knees up to her chest once again, taking a deep breath.

"Ok, well I told you what I thought of Kyle when I joined their team…. I told you what his reputation was and that really didn't bother me. If I'm honest," She said glancing downward, "I even flirted with him a couple of times…. But it was just me humouring him you know?" She said looking back up at him.

"Yeah I know." He assured.

"Anyway, you remember that time you picked me up from Donovan's Bar when we went out for Maddison's birthday?"

He nodded.

"Well that night he'd tried it on… more than normal though. He'd tried to kiss me even though he knew you and me were together. I just brushed him off and made a joke of it and for a split second I thought he was really going to go off on one. He had a look in his eye," She said, staring ahead of herself, clearly picturing Kyle's face, "but it quickly disappeared and he laughed it off too."

"Why didn't you tell me?" He asked gently.

She shrugged, "There was no point. It was nothing and I honestly didn't think anything of it at the time. When we went back to work, everything seemed fine at first and then he started with the flirting again, but I didn't respond to it anymore. And then he started mentioning you."

"Me?"

"Yeah, little digs here and there. One day I'd had enough and I told him to stop." She paused and sighed, "I think that was the trigger. He didn't like me telling him what to do. The guy clearly had a problem with women. Definitely sees us as lesser human beings."

"So what did he do?"

"At first he just backed off. Acted like nothing had happened, then one night, we had a case that we seemed to be getting nowhere with. It was late and we were about to leave the office, but Kyle got a call on his cell and told me that Brannigan had called to ask us to check out a lead. So we went to this old abandoned apartment block. When we got to the right bedsit, the door was ajar…." She gave a sarcastic snort and shook her head, "….Kyle said we should wait for backup, but of course I insisted we go in. So I went first and I managed to take about three steps into the room when I felt an excruciating pain in my back. The next thing I knew, I woke up with a banging headache, handcuffed to the disgusting double bed in the middle of the room."

She stopped talking and looked down and held her hand to her eyes and he saw her mouth fall open as she tried to take in a breath.

"Hey it's ok." He whispered, carefully placing one hand gently on the back of her neck. "We can take a break if you want…." He offered, "….I know this isn't easy."

"No. I wanna tell you."

"Ok. Just take your time." He uttered, taking her one hand in his and resting it in his lap.

She swallowed before continuing, "When I woke up I was….." She breathed out and he squeezed her hand, "…. He'd stripped me down to my underwear. I told him he'd never get away with it but he just smirked and pointed at my wrists. He'd put cloth around them so the cuffs wouldn't leave any marks and then he leant down to me. I still remember the stench of his breath in my face….. "

Derek watched as her face scrunched up and he knew she was right back in that room so he held her hand as tight as he could.

"I screamed and screamed as he did what he did to me, even though I knew no-one would hear me." She cried, "I screamed until my voice ran out…. But he was so angry. He was angry with me because he thought I'd humiliated him." She laughed sarcastically in between sobs, "But Derek." She swallowed hard staring down at the white sand in front of her, "He degraded and humiliated me over and over again for hours. I didn't think he was gonna stop and I certainly didn't think he'd keep me alive after what he did."

"So why did you think he did?" He said softly.

She looked up to him, "Keep me alive?" She asked.

He nodded.

"Because he knew I wouldn't be able to prove it was rape, but if he killed me, his DNA and fingerprints would be all over the place."

"I don't understand. How could he be so sure you wouldn't be able to prove anything?"

She pressed her lips together and he saw her bottom lip quiver. He was desperate to reach out to her. Instead he shifted just a little closer and leaned in, "It's ok." He whispered, "You can tell me anything."

"I know." She nodded, taking a deep breath, "You see, he wasn't rough with me…" Her words broke, and she gasped as the tears began to flow again, "I know that sounds crazy, but I was handcuffed so I couldn't fight. He just his strength to incapacitate me. I had no significant injuries. Who would believe me?" She stuttered, looking into his pained eyes with hers.

He stared for a few seconds and then completely closed the gap between them, tentatively placing his arms around her, "I would have believed you." He uttered.

He felt her shake her head and he frowned, gently pulling away from her looking her straight in the eyes. "You don't think I would have believed you?" He said, his wounded expression plain for her to see.

"You don't understand." She began wiping a piece of wayward hair off her face as it blew in the light breeze, "He planned it all. He set me up."

"What do you mean?"

"He'd gotten hold of my phone at work a few times when I'd left it on my desk and sent messages to himself." She shrugged, "Flirty ones. There's no way any jury would believe me."

"So he just gets away with it?"

"If I had reported this, every single last detail of my past would have been dug up. I'd have been humiliated all over again and he'd more than likely walk away scot free."

Derek looked downward knowing she was right. The system really sucked.

"If I could have proved anything I swear I would have reported it." She continued, "I feel awful that he could have done this to someone else. I even went back to that bedsit but he had cleaned it. I could smell the bleach. I would if I could have I just…" Her words became more rapid and desperate.

"Hey." He whispered, "You have no reason to feel guilty. This is _not_ your fault."

"But what if he did it to someone else?" She whimpered, a battle she had had in her own mind for the past four years.

"That's not your fault. You are _not_ responsible for his actions." He muttered, pulling her into him with one arm around her shoulder. "I just wish you'd of told me."

"I told you. I couldn't prove anything."

"I'm not a jury Emily. You wouldn't have to _prove_ anything to me." He said with a hint of resentment in his voice, and then he couldn't help himself, "Why did you leave?"

She sat up and turned to face him, "Derek, I was pregnant with Kyle's child… the child _we_ were supposed to have. How would we ever get past that?"

"You really think I'd of left you because of what he did?"

She looked down and shrugged, "May be not at first, but how could you even look at me after what he did….. Or look at his child? A constant reminder."

He shook his head, "I wouldn't have resented her." He whispered.

"I know some people may say I was crazy for having her, but it could have been…."

"Stop." He said firmly, "Don't even talk like that. I never ever would have suggested that."

"I know you wouldn't but….." She stopped and sighed, her thoughts getting muddled and confused; so much she wanted to say, "Derek, I know you always want to do the right thing. That's one of the reasons I love you, but asking this of you would have been just…"

"It would never have been about me doing the right thing Emily….." He interrupted, shaking his head, letting out a defeated breath, "I love you. I would do anything for you. I can't believe you still don't realise that after _everything_."

"Exactly Derek… after everything. I hated myself after what he did and I just couldn't see a way through it….. I'd put you through so much already. How could you take much more?" She hung her head, "I'm sorry." She muttered.

He grimaced and scolded himself inside, taking hold of her hand, "Don't you dare say you're sorry. What he did was appalling and I'm so so sorry you went through that baby." He said gently.

He watched as her face began to break and she took laboured breaths trying to stop herself from crying once again.

"It's ok. Let it out." He whispered as he pulled her into him once again.

As he held her, he felt her fragile body against him, barely an ounce of fat on her small frame. Kyle had partly destroyed her…. and he was pretty sure it would have been completely if it weren't for that little girl. He just hoped, now he had found her, she'd let him help her heal.


	4. Chapter 4

After holding her for what felt like hours, but what was probably just a matter of minutes, he felt her chest began to rise and fall against him at a slower rate. Her breathing was calmer and shallow and he wondered if she had fallen asleep, the exhaustion of the past few years taking over her body as she finally allowed herself to begin to release some of the truth. But then she shifted a little and removed her hand from his waist to wipe her eyes.

"You ok?" He muttered.

"Yeah." She said pulling out of his embrace, but remaining sat right next to him, "Thank you." She whispered, looking at him with reddened, tired eyes.

He shook his head. "I didn't do anything."

"You did." She said looking down toward the warm sand, "I haven't said any of that out loud since it happened. There's never been anyone I wanted to….." Her words trailed off as she traced a finger in the sand.

"Well this is just the beginning, right?" He said hopefully, "Come home and we can…"

But before he could finish the sentence, her head was already shaking.

"Why?" He asked, deep frown lines forming across his brow.

"I can't go back." She said as a matter of fact.

"Why not?"

Her eyes met his once again, "Kyle."

"He _can't_ hurt you." He emphasised, "You know I wouldn't let that happen. You don't even have to see him if you come back."

"You don't understand…. It's Taylor."

"He will _not_ go near her." He stated in a firm, almost angry tone.

"Derek, he'll have rights. Right now he doesn't know she exists. Once he finds out…."

"No way. He can't see her after what he did to you." He interrupted frustratedly.

She shrugged, "You tell me how I'd prove that?"

Derek swallowed and his face dropped as the realisation dawned upon him.

"May be he wouldn't want anything to do with her." He said optimistically.

"I _know_ he would." She uttered.

"How?"

"It was one of the reasons I left. He figured it out at the time."

"What do you mean?"

"That I was pregnant." She told him, "I was sick a couple of times and really tired at work and one of the girls on our team joked about me being pregnant in front of him. He saw my face as she said it. Read me like a book." She swallowed hard as she remembered. "Later that day he cornered me to ask me. I denied it, but he didn't believe me. He said that it was his child and I couldn't stop him seeing it. Mentioned something about some woman doing that to him before and not getting away with it."

Derek's nostrils flared as he felt the anger in him boil, so much he was at a loss for words and he just stared at her, willing her to go on.

"I can't really remember what he said exactly". She shook her head, "I was in such a state I just wanted to get away from him. I told him that _if_ I was pregnant by him I'd get rid of it and that I'd never have his child. He grabbed my arm and pushed me against the wall. He was so angry. I could see it in his eyes; He felt like he was losing control, you see. I had the power at that point, not him. But that's when I knew I had to go. Get away from him. He would always have a hold on me if I stayed."

Derek paused in thought and took a deep breath before responding, "But he still does doesn't he?" He uttered, his words raspy from the anger stuck in his throat.

"What?" She asked.

"Have a hold on you."

He looked her in the eyes and watched as the dark orbs widened, knowing he was right.

~~CM~~

The walk back to their cars across the sand was peaceful as they were both in thought, so many questions, worries and emotions swirling around in their minds. It was overwhelming and surreal. But as they were just a few steps away she broke the silence, stopped and faced him, "When have you got to go back?"

"Tomorrow." He said sorely, "Hotch couldn't spare me any longer. I didn't tell him what I was doing."

She just stared at him, a small sorry smile forming on her lips.

"So what now?" He whispered.

"I don't know." She said with a shake of the head, "But don't stay in that hotel on your own tonight. Come and stay with me. I have a spare room?"

"You sure?" He smiled.

She nodded, knowing how much she had missed him. How much she had yeaned over the years to just be able to see his face. Feel his safe touch. Listen to his homely words. _'I miss us'_ She thought to herself once again.

"Ok." He muttered, "But let's do something tonight. I saw a small funfair on my way here. We could take Taylor?"

Her smile faded and he saw a glimpse of fear in here eyes, "I dunno." She said.

"Emily. It's just a fair." He pressed in that low, reassuring tone, taking a step forward, "We'll be fine and she'll love it."

"Ok." She said shaking her head with a small smile, "Of course. I'm just being silly. She will love it."

~~CM~~

Taylor jumped off the pink plastic pony on the merry go round, and into Derek's arms.

"Mommy. Did you see me waving?" She asked excitedly as Derek placed her on the floor next to him.

"I did baby. Did you like it?" Emily said, stroking one hand over the little girl's head.

She nodded frantically, "Can I go on again?"

Emily bent down, "There's lots of rides. Let's have a walk round and see what else there is and then we can come back here. Ok?" She smiled.

"Ok."

The little girl, suddenly distracted, then grabbed hold of Derek's hand and pulled, "Can I get a toffee apple?"

Derek let her drag him along a few paces, looking back toward Emily with a smile and raised brow asking for permission.

She nodded with a light chuckle and watched as her daughter pulled at her ex partner with all her strength to the sweet stall.

The little girl chomped on the apple on a stick as the three of them walked through the busy crowds.

"So." Derek said, glancing towards Emily, "What ride do _you_ wanna go on?"

She raised a brow with an unimpressed look, "You know I'm no good on these rides."

"They still make you queasy eh?" He winked.

She laughed "Well, I haven't been on any for a while, but yeah, I'm pretty sure they would still do so."

She watched as he shook his head with a smirk.

"What?" She asked.

"I still can't believe badass Emily Prentiss gets phased by a Big Wheel."

She nudged him with her elbow, "Be careful Derek, I may just still be able to kick your ass."

"Oh really." He smiled with a big grin towards her.

But the smile faded as he watched Emily's face drop abruptly, her eyes widen and all the colour drain from her skin. Her head darted all around and she twisted her body.

"Taylor!" She called desperately.

"Emily." He murmured calmly, but with a frown.

"Taylor!" She shouted louder, now turning her body fully from side to side.

"Emily!" He raised his voice taking hold of her elbow to pull her back towards him.

"Derek. Where is she?" She yelled at him with fear in her eyes. "Where has she gone?"

"Emily, she's right here." He said gently, pulling his arm so the little girl stepped in front of him.

The brunette looked down to see her daughter gripping hold of Derek's hand, concentrating all of her attention on the toffee apple.

Her chest rose and fell hard and she closed her eyes in relief.

"Hey." He said, touching the top of her arm lightly, "What happened?"

He eyes darted open and she stared at him and he saw her jaw quiver as she tried to hold back her tears.

"Emily?"

"I heard….." She took a couple of breaths, "I heard a little girl scream."

"I didn't hear anything." He said softly.

She nodded desperately, "I definitely heard a child scream."

"Emily, it's a fun fair. Lots of kids are screaming."

"But I thought….." She looked downward, not wanting to admit to what she thought, but it was too late. He knew exactly what she was thinking.

"He can't hurt you Em." He stressed, "He doesn't know you're here. And I wouldn't let go of her anyway."

"I know you wouldn't." She nodded, her words raspy, "It doesn't matter." She attempted a half smile, "I'm just being silly."

He looked at her berating herself and wanted to say so much, but now wasn't the time. Instead, he took hold of her hand, gripped it tight and led the two girls through the crowds, but the mood had changed. Flipped one eighty. He watched her head dart round and felt her hand squeeze his harder as someone else screamed, or a loud bang rang out from the fireworks, or a group of kids ran towards them. He felt her flinch as stall holders jumped in front of them, merely pitching to get them to have a go on their game or on their ride. His Emily was gone again, replaced by a shell of the woman he used to know. Thinking that this was possibly the worse idea he could have had, he was just about to give up on their evening and suggest they go home, when he saw something.

"Hey." He said tugging her hand gently, "Look what's over there."

He saw her frightened face slowly break into a half smile as she spied the man in front of them raising the large hammer and bringing it down heavy on the lever, the puck falling just short of it's target.

"What do you reckon?" He said with a smirk and a quick raise of the brow.

She chuckled, a warmness glazing over her eyes, "I reckon you should give it a go."

Derek smiled and let his grip of her hand fall away and knelt down in front of Taylor, "See that game over there buddy?" She nodded, "I'm gonna have a go. Try a win you a present."

"Really?" She replied, her eyes lighting up.

"Yes. I can't promise that I will, but you stay with mummy while I try ok?"

He guided Taylor's tiny hand to Emily's, stood up, gave the brunette a wink and then turned and walked away, rolling up the sleeves of his jacket.

He stood above the lever, gripping the hammer, concentrating on the spot in front of him that he wanted to smash. Every muscle in his body tensed as his mind darted from Emily's petrified face to the face of David Kyle. He inadvertently snarled as he raised the hammer above his head and he thought about the next time he may come face to face with the man who had taken _his_ Emily away as he pounded the hammer down with every ounce of strength he had.

As the shock waves reverberated throughout his body, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. It took a few seconds to begin to hear the bell ring and the screams from a familiar little voice. He turned his head slowly, opening his eyes, and saw Taylor jumping up and down, screams of "Yeah!" falling from her mouth and Emily clapping him with a big, happy smile.

Talyor suddenly turned and said something to her mother, who nodded, released her grip of her and allowed the little girl to run to him.

He picked her up as she jumped into his arms, "Looks like I won something for you."

"Yes!" She shouted with joy, "What do I win?" She asked excitedly.

He turned and pointed upwards, "You get to pick one of them." He said signalling towards the array of oversized stuffed toys.

"Which one should I pick mommy?" Taylor asked as Emily joined them.

"Totally up to you baby." She said, stroking the hair off her face that had fell forward in the excitement.

As Taylor stared hard at the selection trying to make her mind up, Emily lightly placed her hand in the middle of Derek's back causing him to look to her.

"Thank you." She muttered with a warm smile and thankful eyes.

"Pleasure." He whispered.

~~CM~~

The following morning, Emily crept down the stairs hearing the two voices in the kitchen. She positioned herself in the hallway where she could just about see Derek and Taylor sat at the kitchen table.

"So. You hungry?" Derek asked.

Taylor nodded as she scribbled in crayon on the piece of paper in front of her.

"Do you want me to make you something to eat or wait for mommy?"

The little girl sat in thought for a second, looking up at the ceiling and then back to Derek "You make it." She said.

Derek chuckled, "Ok. What would you like?"

"Dunno." She shrugged.

Emily smiled at Taylor, really not making this easy for him.

"Ok." He started, "I have an idea. Why don't we make mommy breakfast too? What does _she_ like?"

"I don't know." Taylor shrugged again, "She never has breakfast with me. She says she has it later."

Emily swallowed as she felt a wave of guilt hit her.

"Well." Derek said, leaning a little closer to the girl, "When I used to know your mommy, she like eggs on toast."

"She makes that for me." Taylor said proudly.

"Scrambled?"

Taylor nodded.

"With ketchup?"

The little girl's nose scrunched up, "Ketchup?"

"Yes. You mean you've never had it with ketchup?"

Taylor shook her head.

"You don't know what you're missing."

"Can we make it with ketchup now?" She asked.

"Sure." He chuckled, standing and making his way to the refrigerator to select the ingredients.

A few minutes later, Derek dished the fluffy egg on to the three plates; two slices of toast on he and Emily's plates and one on Taylor's.

"Grab me the ketchup please Taylor." He asked.

The little girl dutifully skipped across the kitchen floor, took the sauce from the cupboard and skipped back to the tall, dark man.

"OK." He said, lifting Taylor and standing her on the chair so she could see what he was doing. "This is what we do with the ketchup."

Taylor's eyes followed Derek's hand as he lifted the bottle above the food and started squeezing. A smile crept across her face as she saw the red sauce smiley face appear on one of the slices of toast with the egg on top.

"You wanna do one?" He said with a raise of the brow.

Talyor nodded and took the bottle. It took all the strength she had to squeeze the bottle with her tiny hands, and Derek smiled as she stuck her tongue out concentrating so hard. She managed something that vaguely looked like a smiley face.

"That's great." He said, taking the bottle back from her, "I'll do yours with a different face."

As he finished, she started giggling, "He looks mad."

Derek had drawn the face with a downturned mouth and dipped eyebrows. The next one had a circle for a mouth and extra high eyebrows.

"And this one?" He asked.

"He looks surprised." She laughed.

Emily's face was covered in a huge smile listening to them. She rarely got to see her daughter interact with anyone other than other children.

She quietly made her way into the kitchen.

"Hey what are you up to?" She said, catching Derek's eye with a smile.

"Mommy!" Taylor yelled, jumping down off the chair and hopping to Emily who picked her up.

"Morning baby." She said, giving her a kiss on the cheek, "What have you two been doing?"

"We made you breakfast."

"Wow." Emily exclaimed, winking at Derek, "That's my favorite."

"It's my favourite too mommy." Taylor told her with a nod of the head.

The brunette silently laughed and sat her daughter down at the table, lowering herself on to the chair next to her.

"I see someone's been having fun with these."

"Derek showed me how to draw the faces on."

"I can see that. They're very good."

She looked at Derek with warm eyes as he sat opposite her, remembering the morning he had bought her this very same breakfast in bed, but the sauce was in the shape of a heart on one slice and three kisses on the other. That day she had managed to tease him for being so soppy for all of a few seconds before melting into him and telling him she loved him too. That happy place felt like an eternity ago.

"Derek." Taylor mumbled, as she put the last mouthful of toast and egg in her mouth."

"Yes?" He said, looking toward her.

"Are you coming back to see us?" She asked, before licking her fingers clean of the sauce that had found its way onto them.

"Yeah. I'll be back." He uttered, smiling toward Emily who returned the gaze.

"Good. Can you bring them?"

"Bring who?" Both Derek and Emily asked in tandem with the same confused look.

The little girl suddenly slid off her chair and ran out of the room.

"What was that all about?" Derek asked Emily.

"I have no idea." She said standing, picking up the plates.

Derek cleared what was left on the table and joined Emily by the sink.

They stood in silence for a few seconds until eventually she turned to look at him, a warm, contemplative expression forming across her face.

"What?" He asked.

She shook her head, "I see you already worked the Derek Morgan charm on my daughter."

He smiled and leaned in a little closer and muttered, "Well she is _your_ daughter."

Emily smirked and raised a brow at him; that snarky, unimpressed smirk he missed so much.

"Scrap that." He chuckled, "It took six long years for the Derek Morgan charm to work on you."

She looked downward in an attempt to hide her shy, smiling eyes, but changed her mind and turned to face him head on, "Derek Morgan." She said, grabbing his attention, "You had me at '_the guy has a problem with Kurt Vonnegut?'_." She muttered in a low tone.

He swallowed hard as he stared into those familiar, beautiful eyes and he was right back there with her in the bull pen all those years ago.

He opened his mouth to respond, but both of their attention's were drawn to the shuffling of Taylor's slippers on the floor as she ran toward them.

"Here Derek." She panted, out of breath from her rapid journey up and down the stairs.

"Well what's this?" He asked, taking the frame from the little girl.

Emily immediately recognised the picture as the same one she had told Taylor about a couple of days ago.

"Where did you get this?" Derek continued, taking hold of Taylor's hand a leading her back to the table.

"Mommy has it in her room. She told me about them all."

"She did, did she?" He winked at Emily with a smile as he picked Taylor up and sat her on his lap.

"Yeah. Can you bring them next time you come to see us?"

He looked over to Emily who sort of shrugged, not knowing how to help him out on this one.

"I'm sure they'd love to come." He began, "We'll have to see if they can."

"Mommy said I'd like them."

"You would." He agreed, "And they'd _love_ you. Some of them have kids like you too."

"Really?" She said as her eyes lit up, "What are their names?"

But he hesitated and Emily frowned as he shifted a little uncomfortably in his seat. He then looked up to her and signalled for her to sit down next to him, which she did, but with a look of confusion.

Derek firstly pointed to the taller of the men, "Ok, this is Hotch and he has a son called Jack. He's nearly eleven and is a really good soccer player. Plays for a proper team."

He glanced toward Emily who smiled and raised an impressed brow.

"You like soccer?" He continued.

Taylor nodded, "The big girls and boys play it. I want to play too when I'm old enough."

"You can sweetie." Emily said gently, touching her daughter's arm, "I'll get you lessons if you like it."

"I will" She said as a matter of fact and a nod of the head.

Derek chuckled then looked back down to the photo.

"Ok. JJ." He said pointing to the petite blond, "She has Henry who is eight. He's _real_ cute. You'd _definitely_ like him." He smiled towards Emily.

"Hey." She protested, nudging his arm, "She's too young for that."

"Emily." He uttered, "She will _always_ be too young for that if I'm around." He winked.

He then felt a tug on his arm, "Derek." Taylor whined impatiently, shaking the photo as if to remind him it was still there.

"Ok." He said, his tone suddenly more serious. He glanced at Emily almost sheepishly, then back to the photo. She saw him gulp before continuing. "And JJ also has a little girl called Molly."

"What?" Emily whispered in shock.

He looked back towards her with a sorry gaze, "She just had her second birthday." He uttered, not looking away from her.

He saw her eyes widen and begin to glisten. He took hold of her hand and squeezed before returning to the photo maintaining his grip of her.

"And Penelope." He said pointing to the techie, "She has a baby boy called Kayan."

He could hear the tiny gasps of air Emily took and her fingers squirmed in his now sweaty hand.

"Hey Taylor." He said, setting the frame on the table. "How about you go and set that tea party up again. We can play just before I have to go."

"Ok." She said gleefully and oblivious to the tension now in the air. She jumped off his lap and skipped out of the room.

He turned slowly to face Emily and shifted the chair forward so he was as close as possible. She stared at him wide eyed, her lip quivering and droplets falling down her cheeks.

"Hey, I'm sorry." He said softly, taking both of her hands in his, "I didn't mean to upset you. I just didn't know how to tell you."

"I can't believe I didn't know." She murmured, her words broken.

He pulled her towards him and enveloped her small frame in his arms, "How could you?" He said softly.

"I bet they hate me." She cried into him.

"They don't hate you. They _miss_ you." He pulled out of the hug and looked at her, wiping her tears with one thumb, "You _have_ to come back Emily."

She shook her head, "I can't. You know that."

"There has to be a way round this."

She looked into his eyes with a sadness and a pleading he hadn't seen before. It was like she was begging him to figure it out, but also defeated knowing that he couldn't.

"Let me bring them to see you then." He bargained.

"It's too dangerous. What if he's watching you guys or something?"

"Emily." He started, moving one hand up to her face, cupping her cheek, "You're being paranoid. I'm pretty sure he's not watching our every move."

"You don't know that." She said a little desperately.

He stared at her and wondered what this solitary life had made her become. As his hand fell from her face, he looked down and saw her fingers gripping hold of each other, nervously twisting and turning, her knuckles deathly white.

Unable to watch it, he encased her tiny hands in one of his, "Stop it." He whispered.

Her dark eyes met his and she swallowed, shaking her head ever so slightly, questioning him.

He squeezed a little tighter, "I'm not gonna let him do this to you anymore. You left me to run away from him, to escape his hold on you, and I get that, but you have never really escaped him have you?"

"What do you mean?"

"You're frightened to leave this town…. This house even sometimes because you think he might be out there. Last night you were…." His words trailed off not wanting to say it out loud. "We have to figure this out. You can't carry on like this." He continued.

"Derek…"

"Shhhh." He hushed, placing a finger to her lips, "Do you trust me?"

"Of course." She whispered as his finger fell away.

"Well let me try and figure this out and in the mean time, let me bring JJ and Penelope here to see you."

Her eyes widened and he could see that yearning in them.

"You wanna see those babies right?" He smiled.

She nodded and pressed her lips together in a vain attempt to hold back the tears.

"Well that's settled then." He whispered, with a wink, inside hoping that her two friends would help begin her healing.

She bit her bottom lip as the sides curled upwards and as he watched her eyes smile. She let out the smallest of laughs.

"What?" He asked with a smirk.

"I'm just picturing you on a road trip with two women and three kids."

His eyes rolled and looked upwards and he pursed his lips together, "Maybe I didn't think this through enough." He mused playfully.

Then looking back to her, he saw the big smile fill her face.

After a few seconds, his smile that mirrored hers began to fade.

"What's wrong?" She asked gently.

"I really have to leave now….." He whispered, letting his fingers trace down her forearm and gripping her hand, "…. and I really don't want to."

"And I don't want you to go." She smiled nervously, "I'm sorry I wasted some of the time you had here."

He shook his head, "Don't be silly. Now I found you, we've got plenty of time. It's just the beginning."

He stood up and took her with him, grasping both her hands with his. He pulled her arms around his waist and then wrapped his arms around her, resting on her shoulders. "I'll be back before you know it. Ok?"

He felt her head bob up and down as she nodded and pressed herself against him a little harder. They held each other for a while and even though it had been four years, that touch, that scent, that heartbeat felt like home.

He moved one hand upwards and stroked her soft, dark hair and turned his head slightly, "By the way Emily Prentiss." He whispered, "Just so you know. You had me at '_I'm a nerd'_."

He felt her body judder against him as she chuckled and he closed his eyes as he felt those familiar fingers stroke the back of his head gently. Being intoxicated by the feel of her, not sure if it was even real, he only just about heard the small voice from behind him.

"Derek?"

He wasn't the only one who was slow to hear the little girl, but as she did, Emily quickly pulled out of their embrace and turned to wipe her face before Taylor could see the wetness of her skin from the tears.

"Hey sweetheart." Derek said turning to face the little girl.

"You said you were going to play with me."

"Sorry." He said kneeling down in front of her, "I just had to talk to your mommy."

"Can we play now?"

"I'm sorry Taylor, but I have to go now."

He smiled as he watched her eyes fall to the ground, her head dip down and a little pout form on her lips. He glanced up to Emily who couldn't help but silently chuckle at her daughter's ability to turn on a guilt trip…. _How did kids figure that out?_ She wondered.

He held out his arms and moved his head slightly towards her so he got a better view of her sad face, "Do I get a hug before I go?" He asked.

Her eyes slowly looked up towards him and she paused for a few seconds wondering whether to give in to him. She paced towards him with the pout still firmly fixed and placed her tiny arms around his neck.

"Bye princess." He whispered in her ear.

"Bye Derek." She muttered back in a little voice.

"You gonna look after mommy for me while I'm away like a big girl?" He said, pulling out of the hug and looking at her.

She nodded.

"Good girl." He said, ruffling her hair before standing.

Emily took a step forward, "Go and wait in the sitting room sweetie. You can wave Derek goodbye from the window."

The little girl did as she was told and left Derek and Emily staring at each other until she was out of earshot.

"Well." He sighed, "I better get going then."

She half smiled and nodded her head, "Ok."

"Come here." He uttered, taking her in his arms once again.

"Thank you." She whispered into him.

"What for?" He asked.

"For finding me. For not giving up on me. I don't deserve it."

"Yeah you do."

He felt her breath on his skin momentarily and she then moved her head so she was face to face with him, but did not release her grip of him, "I really don't." She smiled knowingly, "And I will make it up to you, I promise."

She suddenly closed the gap and placed a momentary, chaste kiss on his lips. He felt a bolt fly through his body as her lips met his, the move completely unexpected, but one he had craved for years.

"That's a start." He uttered with a warm smile as she pulled away from him.

As their grasp of one another disappeared, he went to walk past her to get to the front door. But he remembered something and halting, he grabbed hold of her wrist lightly, causing her to look at him once again, "There is one other thing you can work on while I'm gone."

"What's that?" She asked.

"Quitting smoking." He told her firmly.

She gulped and frowned in unison and then began fiddling with her fingers, "What are you talking about?" She asked sheepishly.

He raised his brow and then smirked, "Don't even try and play the innocent with me missy." He said shaking his head, "I heard you get up in the night and go outside and I saw the empty packets when I took the trash out. Put two and two together."

"Oh. Guess I'm busted then." She nervously chuckled.

He continued looking at her.

"Ok ok." She held her hands up in surrender, "I'll quit."

"Good." He whispered, his smirk disappearing and a seriousness promptly filling in the air. "I'll see you soon." He said stepping forward, placing one arm around her waist and kissing her gently on the cheek.

"Yeah, see you soon." She replied, a sadness forming in her eyes, not wanting him to leave.

He took a long breath and then turned, knowing that if he didn't do it now, they could be stood like that all day.

He walked to his car, jumped in the front seat and turned the engine on. As he pulled away, he smiled and waved at the two girls in the window waving back at him, but there was only one thing on his mind right now…..

David Kyle.

**To be continued…..**

**So, how do you think this is going? Is it too soppy? I don't know. I always end up writing soppy when it comes to kids ;)**


	5. Chapter 5

**As always, thanks for the reviews… always a pleasure to read what you guys think. So here's the next instalment**

_It was midday. Most of his team had disappeared off out following up on lines of enquiry or for lunch, the rest were buried in paperwork. He was about to get a coffee from the machine, but felt his stomach growl reminding him he hadn't eaten all day._

_He made his way to the canteen, sifting around in his suit pant's pocket for some change to buy a sandwich. As he waited in the queue, he saw her. She caught his eye immediately as she paid for her salad. He was about to call to her. See if she wanted to join him for lunch. She had only been on the team for a week or so and he could do with getting to know her a little better; try and find out why she had transferred from another unit…. No one has said._

_But before he could grab her attention she had turned and she glided across the room, her long slim legs clearly knowing where they were taking her. No hesitation in making a decision on where to sit…. And then he saw why. She set her tray down on a secluded table for two, and as she did he noticed that she had bought two coffees; one for her and one for the man sat opposite her._

_His eyes widened and he felt a twinge of something in his stomach. This wasn't right. _

_After a few days of fishing around her, not getting the answers he wanted and unable to get her from his mind, intrigue took over. As he drove, he slowed down, dropping back further behind the black SUV in front as it edged towards the set of traffic lights that signalled red. He was two cars behind, but even so, sunk a little lower in his seat to avoid being recognised._

_He could see her familiar profile as she turned to talk to the man, and her long dark hair bobbed up and down as she turned back to face the road, laughing. He watched as the broad shouldered man, snaked his arm around her back and gently caressed her hair, before quickly returning his hand to the steering wheel and pulling off as the lights turned green. _

_Seeing the SUV indicate to pullover, he screeched his car to a halt at the corner of the street and hurriedly jumped out, darting into the darkened alleyway. He hid in the shadows and spied them….. The SUV was parked on the driveway of the large two storey red brick house…. Too large for this man on his own he thought. Did they live together? _

_He watched as the passenger side door then opened suddenly, and she elegantly began to step out of the front seat as the tall man jogged a few paces around the front of the car, just in time to take her hand as she fully alighted on to the tarmac. She smiled widely as he kissed the back of her hand, before entwining his fingers in hers and leading the brunette to the front door. _

_He watched them, feeling his heart racing with rage and his fists clench, his nails digging into his skin. The air in front of his face misted over as his breath hit the cold night air so he tugged the hood of his sweatshirt a little further down over his face. He saw her place one hand gently on the man's arm whilst he unlocked the front door to his home and he could see it now…. The man who was placing his palm at the base of the brunette's back, ushering her into the property, had what he wanted…_

~~CM~~

Looking out of her front window at the desolate dirt road, Emily wrapped her arms around her tummy, pressing as hard as she could in an attempt to take away the pain of the knots and the sickly feeling that had been brewing all morning.

She checked her watch _again_ and then threw her arms down by her side, scolding herself with a shake of her head. She rapidly turned and made for the kitchen, picking up a scourer and getting to work, scrubbing at the work surfaces…. _again_.

When she heard the bell go, she was on her knees working on the cupboard doors. She suddenly felt her throat constrict and she grasped it, squeezing gently to force the air out. She took some long, deep breaths and began to stand herself up when little feet came scampering into the room.

"Mommy! They're here!" Taylor squealed in excitement.

Emily smiled, "Ok baby. Let's go see them."

As they approached the door, she could make out the silhouette of Derek. He was turned away from the toughened, frosted glass and she could hear his dulcet, muffled voice talking to someone.

When she made it to the door, Emily felt a little hand creep around her leg and she could feel her daughter stand behind her, no doubt a sudden bout of shyness overtaking her. Her hand shook as she undid the top dead lock, then the bottom, and she could just imagine Derek's roll of the eyes to her old friends as they listened to the noises of her multiple barriers to a free life clicking open.

She wondered if he had told them everything - The reasons for creating this little cocoon. They hadn't discussed that before he left, or during the subsequent telephones calls. But before she could think anymore, she realised she was opening the door and a beam of sunlight entered the hallway temporarily blinding the little girl.

Emily focused in on Derek's face, afraid to look past him. He smiled warmly at her and then she watched as his gaze drifted down to by her side, his grin widening, giving a quick wink of his eye.

"Derek!" She heard Taylor call out. And the pressure of the little hand on her leg disappeared as the child jumped over to the dark agent in the doorway.

"Hey Taylor." He said in a raspy, tired voice, "Look who I bought to see you."

Derek turned with the girl in his arms so his back was now to Emily, but she remained rooted to the spot, scared to let her old friends into view.

The first voice she heard was Penelope's, and the familiar tone hit her like a ten tonne truck.

"_Hey Taylor." _The techie said excitedly,_ "It's so good to meet you. Look what me and JJ bought you."_

She couldn't see what it was, but she heard her daughter's happy gasp and '_thank you'_ and saw the bright pink sleeve of Garcia's shirt as she rubbed Taylor lightly on the back, then stroke her long dark hair tenderly. She remembered that touch; the gentle, homely feel of Garcia's warm hands. She even remembered the last time she had felt it; an encounter reminiscent of just before she left to find Doyle;

_After trying Emily's new office and finding she wasn't there, Garcia finally cornered her friend in the bathroom after days of avoidance._

"_Hey stranger." Garcia sang, attempting cheeriness._

"_Hey Pen." Emily replied, avoiding eye contact, concentrating on washing her hands._

"_So missy." The techie said, nudging her friend playfully in the arm, "What's up with you?"_

_The brunette glanced up at the techie, smiling sarcastically and shaking her head, "Nothing." She defended._

"_Hey." Garcia said reaching over and grabbing Emily's hands, "You're gonna scrub your skin off if you don't stop. Talk to me." She ordered._

"_There's nothing wrong." The older agent said, pulling away a grabbing for a paper towel to dry her hands._

"_I know we've been here before Em, but are you pregnant?"_

_Emily's eyes immediately widened, panic rising in her throat, but she fought to keep it down, "No." She lied, with an attempt at chuckle._

_Garcia studied her friend; Derek's mind had been elsewhere for a couple of weeks and Emily stood before her looking tired and sickly; She knew something was wrong. But, not only did she look tired and sickly, she looked stubborn, distant and pain was painted across her face._

_Although Emily fought it for a split second, Garcia took her in for a hug anyway, scared for her friend. The worse crossed her mind…. She was ill. Really ill. Her pale skin. Her tired eyes. Her skinny frame. But she'd give her time._

"_Anytime you wanna talk Em, you know where I am right?" Garcia said softly._

_Emily nodded, and at that point wanted to tell the techie everything. In that moment, her friend's embrace made her feel safe and loved and soothed, but as it left her, she straight away went back to feeling alone and scared and guilt ridden at what she was about to do_;

_Run away…. again._

But there was no running now. She was cornered. She watched Derek bend down and place her daughter on the ground.

"Go and show Henry your swing Taylor. Show him how high you can go." He told the little girl, encouraging her with a light nudge in her back. He then slowly rose and turned to face Emily who was staring at him wide eyed, the fear within her suddenly very apparent to him. He gave a small smile in an attempt to reassure her and then turned back to the two women patiently waiting on the porch.

He bent out of sight for a second and as he stood she saw him holding the handles of light blue carry cot. Seeing that, screamed out to her what she had missed out on these last few years, and she felt herself start to break. Her jaw began to quiver and she pressed her lips together to try and stop it.

She watched as Derek signalled for the two women outside to pass him with a small nod of the head and she gripped her hands in nervous anticipation. Garcia slinked her way through the door first, squeezing past Derek and her eyes were wide with anticipation, still unable to believe this was actually happening. Upon seeing her friend for the first time, Garcia's face changed from shock to a big smile, but quickly saddened as she saw the angst in Emily's face. Unable to process anything, the techie did what was entirely natural and closed the gap between them quickly, enveloping her arms around the brunette, the tiniest whisper of 'Emily' falling from her lips as she buried her face in her soft dark hair.

After breathing in the familiarity of Emily she had missed so much, and squeezing as tight as she cold to make sure this was real, Garcia eventually opened her eyes to see JJ standing over the brunette's shoulder, staring at them with Molly in her arms. The blond looked nervous and lost, as if she didn't know what to do with herself.

The techie gently pulled away from Emily and placed her hands on her tiny wrists, turning her around to face JJ. Emily swallowed hard as she came face to face with her friend. She looked into those big blue eyes and saw hurt and disbelief, but was then distracted by another pair of blue eyes; those of the little girl in JJ's arms who was sucking on a thumb and messing with her mother's long hair. She wore a light purple dress, had wispy blond hair like JJ and her eyes were soft and dusky like Will's.

Emily closed her eyes momentarily and then mustered the courage to open them again to look at JJ's. As their eyes reconnected, Emily's began to water and she took a tentative step forward. She saw JJ begin to hold the toddler out to her and the brunette was confused until she looked down and realised she was holding her arms out in front. As she took the child in her arms, she looked at JJ and her face broke, "I'm sorry." The older woman whispered, her words raspy and broken as the tears began to fall. And before she knew it, JJ's arms were wrapped around her, her head rested on the opposite shoulder to where Molly happily tapped away, oblivious to the moment the two women were sharing.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there JJ…."

She paused, taking a breath and as she did, inhaling the sweet familiar scent of her friend. "She's beautiful." Emily whispered.

Emily felt her friend's fingertips dig into her back a little harder as she grasped onto her tighter. She heard JJ exhale and felt her shake her head slowly.

Emily swallowed hard and remained frozen to the spot as JJ pulled away from her, anxious at what JJ was feeling. But those big blue eyes stared at her, glistening with moisture;

"No Emily." She began, still shaking her head, "I'm sorry _I_ wasn't there….. For Taylor." She said gently, her head tilting to the side as she studied Emily's face…. It looked so different, yet so familiar. "I can't believe you did that all on your own." She uttered, her words breaking as they trailed off.

"Yeah." A voice was heard from behind Emily, "And we're real mad at you for doing that all on your own Emily Prentiss." Garcia scolded playfully.

And as the brunette turned toward the source, she felt the warmth of Penelope's body against her once again as she wrapped her arms around all three bodies.

After a few seconds, all three women were pulled out of the moment by the sound of Derek's gruff cough in the background. They all turned to see him holding the gurgling baby, bouncing him up and down.

"Hey, do we get a piece of this action or what?" He said in all seriousness, before breaking into a cheeky Derek Morgan smile.

The two blonds broke away from Emily, and JJ retrieved her daughter, as the brunette turned towards Derek. He watched her eyes light up as she lay her gaze on the baby in his arms.

"Here you go." He uttered, holding the child out to her.

She carefully took the baby into her arms and continued gently bouncing him on her hip, grasping one of his tiny hands in hers.

"Hey Kayan." She said softly, "Don't you look like your mommy."

She smiled at him, and then glanced to Garcia, "He is seriously gonna break some hearts when he's older Pen." Emily said in a warm, but still shaky tone.

Garcia smiled at her friend, but it was a sad smile. She then glanced at JJ who had the same sorry expression. They shared a knowing look; whatever had kept Emily from them for the past four years, had eaten her up. She looked like a shell of her former self and Derek hadn't warned them.

"Listen." Derek's deep tone grabbing all of their attention, as he took Kayan off Emily and placed him back in his carry cot. "I'll play babysitter whilst you guys catch up." He offered, reaching out for baby Molly from JJ.

The three women stood in silence watching Derek pick up the carry cot with one hand, carrying Molly in the other. They could all feel a tension rise as he walked out of the door and for some reason none of them wanted him to leave. He was like a safety buffer.

After a few seconds, Emily finally broke the deafening silence, "Can I get you guys a drink? I know it's been a long journey." She said sheepishly, turning to look toward the kitchen, unable to maintain eye contact.

The two blondes nodded and followed her into the kitchen where they sat opposite each other at the large oak table. They watched the brunette as she erratically moved from cupboard to cupboard as if she were a stranger in her own kitchen all of a sudden. Truth was, she was looking for the tea bags. She knew Garcia liked tea, but Emily never drank the stuff…. just coffee. Lots of coffee.

She placed the mugs on the counter and fumbled around in the drawers to find a couple of spoons.

"Shit!" She shouted as she knocked one china mug off the surface, it smashing on the tiled floor.

Crouching down, about to begin picking up the pieces, she halted as she heard JJ's soft tone, "Emily…. Just leave it and come and sit down." She told her gently.

Emily gulped and took a breath before standing and making her way to the table. She lowered herself tentatively onto the seat in between her two old friends, eyeing from one to the other, trying to read their faces.

"I'm sorry you guys." She started, her words raspy and full of sorrow, "I know I left you…. again…. without a word and I don't blame you for hating me for it."

Garcia shook her head, her eyes sad and mouthed 'no' as JJ almost gave a sarcastic chortle, "We don't _hate_ you Emily." She emphasised, "We _love_ you and we wanna know what happened to result in all this." She said looking around the room.

Emily's eyes flashed with a little surprise, "You mean Derek didn't tell you?"

JJ shook her head, "He just told us that you had a good reason for doing what you did and that he would leave it up to you to tell us."

"And I know if my Derek says that, it has to be a _real_ good reason." Garcia continued.

Emily looked at them both with wide eyes, a fear taking over them. Assuming they knew everything, she hadn't thought about what she would say to them; Hadn't rehearsed it like she had for Derek.

Sensing her anxiousness, JJ leant forward and placed her hand atop the brunette's and the younger woman felt her friend's hand clench immediately.

"What is it?" JJ whispered, "Are you ill?"

JJ regretted the words as soon as they left her mouth upon seeing Emily's reaction, but she couldn't help but ask. Emily looked so different and JJ's greatest fear was that something was wrong that couldn't be fixed.

Emily's dark eyes met the big blue eye's of JJ. She shook her head and watched some relief pass over the blonde's features.

"So what is it?" Garcia asked, grabbing the women's attention, "I mean Taylor…. Who…..?" "…is the father?" Emily interupted.

The techie nodded.

Emily's eyes darted upwards and she bit her bottom lip as she thought of the right way to start this. She was quickly bought back to them as she felt a small squeeze of her hand by JJ.

"Her father _is_ the reason I left. I wish I hadn't done it the way I did, but I _had _to leave."

"Why?" JJ asked, her face full of worry already.

Emily inhaled deeply, and her breaths juddered as she exhaled;

"Taylor's father raped me." She said as a matter of fact, staring hard at both women wanting to read their reaction. Saying it out loud was an entirely new thing for her.

Garcia's face scrunched up, the word 'rape' ripping through her, making her feel sick to the stomach immediately. JJ's mouth fell open in horror and she took a sharp intake of breath.

"So you don't know who he is?" JJ asked, the final couple of words barely making it out.

Emily nodded, "No. I do know."

"I don't understand." Garcia uttered, "Someone you know…." She stopped, unable to say the word, "….did that to you?"

"Who was it?" JJ quickly asked, but with an anger in her voice.

Emily paused, looking her friend straight in the eye, "David Kyle." She whispered.

She heard 'What?' fall from Garcia's lips in a breath and turned to face her, "It was David Kyle." She repeated.

JJ's brow furrowed deeply, "You mean David Kyle from Counter Terrorism? Who was on your old team?"

Emily nodded.

"But how? When?" The blond continued, a horror in her words.

Emily told them everything, from start to finish, leaving both women floored.

Garcia had tears running down her face and JJ's attempt to hold them in resulted in sore reddened eyes by the end of the tale.

"I'm so sorry." JJ muttered, shaking her head and her voice quivering. "I can't believe you went through that. After everything."

Emily forced a half smile, "I'm ok. I just…."

"Really?" JJ asked a raise of her brow "Because you don't look ok." She said softly with concern.

The brunette shrugged. She knew she wasn't fooling anyone but herself.

She felt the touch of Garcia's hand on her arm rubbing up and down gently "I wish you'd of told us." She said looking at Emily with pitying eyes.

Emily nodded, "I know. I wish I had too, but at the time I wasn't thinking straight. All I could think of was protecting my baby from Kyle. I didn't want him to have anything to do with either of us."

"And what about Derek?" Penelope asked, the slightest of accusation in her tone, clearly sad for her friend knowing how broken he had been all these years.

Emily licked her lips that were dry from the nerves before answering, "I know I wronged him Pen. I know I hurt him. And I'll never forgive myself for that." She assured, "But I promise you, at the time I thought it was for the best. I couldn't imagine that he would be happy bringing up someone else's child with me, especially how it came about."

"But he loved you. He would have…"

Emily cut the techie off with a shake of the head, "We talked about having our own baby and when we spoke about it, you should have seen how excited he was. He would say how he or she would have my eyes, his nose, my temper, his passion for sports." She halted and gave a small reminiscent smile, "I couldn't take that away from him." She whispered "That yearning to have his _own_ child and I knew this pregnancy could have been my very last chance…. At my age I mean."

"But he would have supported you. I _know_ that." Garcia stressed.

"I have no doubt about that. But I was scared it would eat him up inside. That in the future he'd resent me for it. I couldn't handle that….. if he left me."

"So you got in first." JJ mused, but with no accusation in her tone.

"No." Emily insisted, "It wasn't like that."

She stopped and looked downward in thought, and then returned her gaze to JJ, swallowing nervously, "Ok may be you're right. I was getting in first. But at the time, I didn't know what to do and I flipped out. So I did the thing I know best…. Ran away. And before I knew it, more and more time had passed and it was too hard to contemplate making contact again. I didn't know what I'd say to him…. To any of you."

"It's ok." JJ smiled leaning forward, "Truth is, none of us know what we would do in that situation."

Garcia shook her head, rubbing her eyes, "I have no idea how you cope with everything, but at least we're here now and you can come home."

Both blond saw Emily's face drop even further.

"You are coming home right?" The techie asked with hope.

The brunette shook her head, "I _cannot_ go back to DC." She stressed.

"What?" Garcia breathed.

"I can't Pen. Not whilst _he's_ still there."

JJ nodded in understanding, her eyes full of sadness and Garcia clenched her jaw in a vain attempt to remain strong in front of her friend.

"I'm sorry I let you guys down." Emily said looking between them, "I know this must be difficult for you to understand. I don't understand myself most of the time." Emily chuckled nervously.

JJ shifted in her seat and forced a smile upon her lips, grabbing for Emily's arm and rubbing it tenderly, "You didn't let us down Em. We just had no idea what you went through. It's a shock."

Emily nodded. "I know."

"We just miss you. There's a big piece missing in our lives for four years, but we all knew deep down you wouldn't have gone if you didn't feel it was your only option."

"Yeah." Garcia agreed and then with a smile and a wink, she tapped Emily's arm, "Come on, let's leave all this now eh? We've got a lot of catching up to do."

"Yeah, I think we have." The brunette chuckled lightly.

"Let's grab some drinks and go outside." JJ suggested, "I think we've tortured Morgan enough leaving him with four kids."

"Oh my god, I completely forgot." Garcia said, jumping out of her seat. "Kayan is well past his last feeding slot."

"Feeding slot?" Emily said with a raise of one eyebrow, glancing from Garcia to JJ who smirked.

"Oh yes." JJ started, "Miss 'free spirit' here, has a regimented feeding timetable. God forbid if we _deviate_." JJ snarled sarcastically.

"Errr JJ, Kaylan is like his father. He eats like a horse and gets grouchy when he's hungry. If I don't feed him, he…."  
"Alright alright." JJ interrupted in surrender.

As the three women made their way outside, JJ laughed, "I cannot imagine the mess Morgan must be in with…"

She stopped as they hit the fresh sea air and surveyed the garden. Henry was pushing Taylor on the swing, Molly was in the sand box burying her own legs and Morgan sat peacefully on the white wooden bench giving Kayan his bottle of milk.

"What the…..?" Garcia uttered.

As Morgan became aware of their presence, he looked up to the three women, "What?" He asked with a suspicious smirk.

"If I'd of known you were capable of _this_, I'd of been using you for babysitting duties a long time ago." JJ told him.

"Oh no." He chuckled standing with a shake of the head and offering Kaylan back to his mother, "Bottles are one thing… smelly diapers another. I think he needs changing Penelope." He said with a scrunched nose as Garcia took the baby in her arms.

"You're right. He stinks." Garcia said, "I'll go change him."

"Molly!" JJ called as the techie disappeared into the house, "You're not supposed to eat it."

Emily and Derek both gave a light laugh seeing the child covered head to toe in dark brown sand. As JJ picked her up hundreds of grains fell back into the pit.

"I'll just go clean her up." JJ muttered as she rushed past the pair.

They both watched as JJ disappeared and Derek was then the first to turn back, "You ok?" He asked with a raise of the brow.

She smiled, "Yeah. Thank you for this."

"Pleasure." He whispered, taking a small step towards her, "So do I get a hello now?" He asked tentatively.

"Of course." She chuckled, closing the gap between them and putting her arms around his shoulders. She felt him lightly kiss her hair and she closed her eyes optimising the feel of him that she missed so much.

"Thanks for not telling them." She said as they pulled apart.

"What?" He queried.

"About why I left."

"Hey, it was your story to tell, not mine."

"I know." She agreed, sitting down on the bench, "But it must have been hard fending off all those questions. I'm sure you got bombarded." She smiled.

"Yeah I did." He winked, sitting next to her, "So everything aright with you guys?"

"I dunno." She shrugged.

"What do you mean?" He asked a little surprised.

"I mean, they were really supportive and all, but I'm not sure they're entirely happy with my reasons for going."

"No one's happy that you left Emily." He stated shifting round a little to face her, "Most of all me, but I kinda understand it."

"Kind of?" She muttered, her eyes wide and sad.

His shoulders slumped as he took a contemplative breath looking down at the floor.

"Emily." He started softly, "I get why you left. I do. It doesn't mean I like it." He shook his head, "I'm just confused as to how to feel."

She paused, not really understanding. "I don't get what you mean."

He looked back to her, "I've thought of nothing but this since I went back to DC and I can totally see why you had to get away from _him _for Taylor's sake, but I just wish…"

He stopped, looking away once again.

"Wish what?" She whispered.

"I just wish you'd of told me. Given _me_ the choice of what I did." His stare met hers once again, "And I know that sounds really selfish, because you were going through hell, and I was the last thing you needed to worry about… But it's frustrating. I could have helped Emily. I'd of been there one hundred percent for you and the baby. I just feel like I've….." He paused, changing his pitch, "…..We've." He stressed, "missed out on so much because of that bastard."

"Shhh." Emily said, holding a finger to her lips, nodding towards Henry and Taylor playing, oblivious to the two adults sat a few feet away from them.

"Sorry." He half smiled. "But you do get what I mean don't you?"

"Derek." She said seriously, turning her body towards him, "Of course I get it. I regret what I did over and over, but I can't change that now."

"No." He smiled sadly, "But we can change what happens from now on." He uttered.

She was just about to respond when they were both distracted by JJ and Garcia coming back to join them.

"Em, this place is so beautiful." JJ said, sitting on the bench opposite, bouncing Molly on her knee.

"I know." Emily smiled, "It's been my….." She stopped herself, "Well, it's helped me a lot." She smiled nervously, "So. You all managed to get some time off?" She asked changing the subject.

"Well, it's only two days." JJ started, "And Harding is there now. So we managed to persuade Hotch."

"Harding?" Emily asked.

"New Agent." Garcia said, distracted wiping Kaylan's mouth with a muslin cloth.

"I guess there's been a lot of changes since I was there." The brunette sighed.

"There certainly has." JJ chuckled, "Good job we've got till tomorrow to catch up."

"Yeah." Derek agreed standing, the women's gaze following him, "Because I'm starving. So can we eat now?"

JJ rolled her eyes, "Men and their stomachs." She winked towards Garcia.

"What?" He frowned with a knowing smirk.

Emily smiled at her friend's banter and stood up too, "I'll go sort something. Make yourselves at home guys. Please, treat it as your own."

As the brunette made towards the house, JJ looked from Morgan, who was smiling watching Emily walk away, to Garcia who gently touched his hand, understanding just what this meant to him. But she knew there was a long way to go before her friend was healed and she was back in their lives properly.

~~CM~~

_He walked through the corridors of Quantico first thing in the morning, a stack of paperwork to catch up on. He walked out of the elevator when he saw her; but she didn't see him. She was distracted reading something on her cell as she walked, but she wasn't headed towards their unit. He guessed she was going to see that man and he snarled to himself. His brain told him to go to his office, forget her, but his body fought against it and began to follow her, her long dark hair, bobbing as she swayed along the hallways. All of a sudden he halted, seeing that man appear from around the corner. The man was too distracted by her to notice him. The couple smiled in unison and he took her hand gently pulling her into the small crevice, stealing a momentary kiss before she playfully pushed him away…. 'Not here." She giggled._

_His fingers tensed up and his teeth clenched watching them. That man had no right to be happy with her…. happy with what he wanted. And he would take it away from him. He would take back what belonged to him….. Whatever it took._

_As the couple parted, he stood still as they walked towards him and as they both noticed him, they smiled. _

_Her smile was warm and sincere. But that man's…. That man's knocked him back like a pro boxer hitting him in the chest full force…..Seeing those smiling eyes….. It was Taylor smiling right at him._

"_See you back at the office Morgan." Harding called back to him cheerily as she walked down the corridor alongside David Kyle._

**Ok so did you like that chapter….? I have no idea if that was good or not… may be a little weird?**

**EDIT (after a few reviews) Did you guys get what happened at the end... It was supposed to be confusing, but I'm not sure if folks got it at the end... Probably my bad writing.. Lol..let me know ;)**


	6. Chapter 6

**Thank for all the reviews and so sorry I confused some. It was meant to be confusing until the end. So just to clarify, in the first bit in italic, it was Morgan realising that Harding (who is a new female Agent who just joined the BAU) is dating Kyle. Morgan then follows them and he is angry because he wants what they have back with Emily… Hope that makes some sense ;)**

"I'm gonna take Henry and Taylor to the park". Derek said to the three women sat at the picnic bench in Emily's garden, as the two children jumped up and down around him, "Leave you ladies to catch up." He winked.

As he turned and made for the house with Taylor and Henry following him dutifully, Emily rose out of her seat, "I'll just go and find Taylors sneakers. She put her best shoes on when she knew you guys were coming." She chuckled to her friends, before following the threesome.

"Hey you guys." Emily called, causing Derek and the two children to halt in the hallway. "Taylor, go and get your sneakers out of the closet. You'll ruin those." She said, pointing to the red patent leather shoes Taylor was wearing.

The little girl looked down at them and then scurried off, Henry skipping behind her, leaving the two adults in the hallway.

"You ok?" Derek asked as the brunette looked at him with an awkward smile.

She nodded, glancing back toward the kitchen where she could see JJ and Penelope talking away and instinctively a wave of paranoia hit her.

"It's not so scary is it?" Derek continued, sensing her worry.

"Well a little bit." She chuckled nervously as she turned back to him.

"Just talk to them Em. They just wanna help." He uttered.

"I know." She swallowed hard, "I just don't know how…."

She stopped mid sentence as she heard Taylor and Henry coming back towards them.

"Derek, I've got my soccer ball." The little girl shouted excitedly, holding up the black and white chequered ball, "We can play a game."

Derek smiled down at the child and placed a big hand gently on top of her head, "I don't really know the rules kiddo."

"I do!" Henry squealed, pride in his tone, "I'll show you what to do Uncle Derek."

"Ok buddy." Derek chuckled, "We better get going before it gets dark."

The two children made to the front door, and ran outside towards the car.

Derek took a step forward and held his arm out, lightly touching Emily's wrist, "It'll be fine." He uttered, squeezing her hand gently, "Just talk. That's all you have to do." He whispered.

"I know." She nodded with a small, slightly forced, but thankful smile.

~~CM~~

After retiring to the lounge as the evening chill began to dawn on them, Emily tiptoed into the room and passed her friends each a mug full of hot chocolate, before sinking into one corner of the large, soft sofa, with JJ at the other end and Garcia on the armchair.

"Please tell me this is an Emily Prentiss hot chocolate." Penelope said, wrapping her hands around the large mug.

"Wowww! JJ exclaimed, after taking a sip and grimacing just a little, "Definitely an Emily Prentiss special." She nodded.

"Sorry guys. I was probably a little liberal with the Bourbon." Emily chuckled.

"No way." JJ said firmly, "This is definitely what the doctor ordered."

"Ooh I just thought." Emily began, a look of worry forming, "You're not breast feeding are you Pen?"

"No." The techie answered with a smile, "It would have been too difficult when I went back to work and I didn't want Kevin shirking his duties." Garcia added with an evil chuckle.

"Good point." The brunette smiled. "So tell me, how _did_ you Kevin work things out?"

"Well." The techie started excitedly, "There was a big dose of his own medicine when it came to dating other people."

"What do you mean?"

"Let's just say I played the field." She said with a suggestive raise of the brow.

Emily chuckled, "Good for you Penelope. I sure hope you made the most of it." She winked.

"I most certainly did."

"So which came first. Baby or the ring?" The brunette asked, nodding towards the gold band on Garcia's finger.

"Ring." Penelope told her, "Baby happened on the honeymoon. Or actually more precisely, in the bathroom at the Star Wars Convention in London."

"Eww." Emily mewed as JJ grimaced, "Too much information Penelope Garcia." She muted.

"No." The techie shook her head, "You would not believe how hot he was in that Luke Skywalker outfit. The things he can do with his saber."

"Ahh stop it!" JJ yelled.

"So you went to the UK for your honeymoon?" Emily asked, the laughter still rippling through her voice.

"Yes." Garcia nodded, "Well, Europe actually. We travelled around a bit… Paris, Rome. You're not the only one who can do classy Emily Prentiss." The techie teased.

Emily gave a warm smile and then turned to JJ, "So, what about you? Were you trying for Molly?"

"No." JJ said, pressing her lips together in a reminiscent smile, "She was a _big_ surprise. An adorable one though."

"Yeah." Emily uttered contemplatively, "She's gorgeous. I bet Will is crazy about her."

JJ smiled widely, "He calls her his 'southern belle'. Although…" She continued with a roll of the eyes, "unlike Kevin he left the feeding to me."

"That doesn't sound like Will." The brunette said with a frown.

"No." JJ chuckled, "It was actually down to me. I wanted to breast feed this time. I didn't with Henry, so I was determined to give it a go."

"And it went well?"

"Yeah." JJ replied, watching Emily as she looked downward at her drink and smiled sadly.

The blond shifted in her seat a little awkwardly, "Did you breast feed Taylor?" JJ asked gently.

Emily swallowed with a tinge of guilt in her eyes, and averted her gaze from the two women further as she took a sip of the hot liquid.

"Em?" JJ said softly.

He older woman looked up, "I wasn't able to." She said with a shake of the head, "I didn't produce enough milk and so when I tried to breast feed, Taylor would get frustrated because she wanted more, then I'd get upset and well… Well it was all a mess really. My midwife said to go on to the bottle as it was too distressing for both of us."

"It must have been tough on your own." Garcia said with sympathy and sorry purse of the lips. "I can't imagine all of those night time feeds without Kevin there."

JJ watched as Emily's features tensed as she attempted to maintain that look of togetherness, but she wasn't pulling it off. She may not have seen her for four years, but her tell was still there.

Emily shrugged, "You just do what you've gotta do, right?" She pursed her lips together in a half smile.

But JJ wasn't about to let Emily get away with her generic answers. The door was just slightly ajar, and the blond was going to keep pushing gently on it…. "How come you didn't produce enough milk?" JJ asked, earning a slight raise of the brow from Garcia and an awkward shuffle of her body from Emily.

"Just one of those things." She offered.

The blond set her mug on the small coffee table and sat up, tucking one leg underneath her bottom, leaning forward slightly so se could place a friendly hand on Emily's lower leg.

"Sweetie, are you ill?" She asked gently, with some trepidation, but not removing her gaze from the brunette's. She saw Emily's eyes widen a little…. Then a flash of hurt…. Then that characteristic aversion of eye contact as she looked downward.

"Emily?" JJ said a little more firmly.

The dark haired woman shook her head and then met JJ's stare, "No. I'm not ill. Why do you say that?" She answered with an obvious defence in her tone.

JJ exhaled a long laboured breath and her big blue eyes softened sadly as she looked at her friend sat opposite, almost squirming in her seat, picking at her fingernails.

"It's just you look…." JJ paused searching for the right words, "You just don't look very well." She offered.

"Do I look _that_ bad?"

"No." JJ said firmly, "You don't look bad _at all_. You just don't look like the Emily we used to know. And we're worried."

The brunette looked from one concerned face to the other and moisture began to form, but she held it back, even though it stung.

"I'm not the Emily you used to know." She began quietly, "I don't know where she went." She uttered. "I guess she's still back in that apartment building where Kyle….."

Her words tapered off and the tension in the room mounted, all of them trying not to let their mind envisage what exactly went on in that apartment building that night, just over four years ago.

But as much as it pained them, the two blond women remained staring at their friend, hoping the silence would force her to continue. It took a few long seconds, but it worked.

"I'm not ill. I promise." She whispered, "But I'll admit I could do with eating a bit more." She paused, looking up to the two concerned women, "…and generally having more of a life." She smiled nervously.

Bu she saw the pity in JJ and Garcia's faces straight away and immediately scolded herself for telling them. The _last_ thing she wanted was pity, but she also didn't want to lie to them. She felt she owed them.

"Those are things that are easily fixed." Garcia said as a matter of fact, but inside, more in hope.

JJ wasn't so hopeful though and not so ready to let it go, "Except that food is the one thing you could…. Or _can_, control." She muttered towards her friend.

Emily's lips pursed and she stood up, "Don't profile me JJ." She said defensively.

"I'm not." The blonde said with a shake of the head, knowing the mood could change in the blink of an eye with the wrong words, "I'm just worried."

"I'm fine." The brunette stressed, her arms folded across her chest.

"Emily, please don't shut us out." Penelope pleaded, "We've waited four years to see you again and all we want is to be part of your life again. Please…."

"We're not judging you Em." JJ added softly.

Emily could hear the desperation in friend's voices and it made her feel like breaking down right there and then. Truth was, she'd yearned to hear those voices again; She'd cried herself to sleep knowing that the safe warm embrace of Penelope wasn't there for her to fall into. Or the gentle touch of JJ to sooth her when she was freaking out…. And now, here they were offering it all back to her, with no hesitation, with no resentment…. and there she was, pushing them away. And she hated herself for it.

The silence felt like a heavy weight pressing down on her; her head pounding from the pressure and her skin on fire. But it wasn't until she felt that warm embrace smother her and that gentle touch rubbing her back that she realised she was crying; The tears were streaming; She could taste the salt water on her lips and feel the moisture running down her cheeks, along her jaw line and onto her neck.

Never had she cried so much as she had in the past few weeks. And never had it felt so good. It _was_ scary too, but each time it happened, it felt like a little more tension was being freed… that tension that had been in her bones. In her skin. In her face. In her head. In her voice…. It was slowly releasing bit by bit.

She wasn't sure how long the three of them had stood there like that, when she heard Penelope's whisper…. "It's ok. Come here."

Emily was confused for a split second as she felt a cool air hit her skin as her friends pulled away, but their warmth was quickly replaced by an even more familiar and an even more missed one.

She smiled into his chest as his strong arms enveloped her and she felt his lips softly brush the top of her head.

"It's ok." She heard him whisper….. And she knew he was right.

But she also knew JJ was right and for the first time it all made sense. Her eating habits _were_ about control; Kyle had taken all control away as her life was entirely taken over by what he had done to her, and she had taken that control back in the only way she knew how, even though it hurt her…. but that had been ok, because she controlled the pain and the pain made her feel alive. But she didn't want to feel pain anymore and as she stood in his arms, feeling his strength against her, she just wanted to fall into him and let him carry her…. And she knew he would… She finally felt safe for the first time in a long long time.

~~CM~~

At three a.m. the beach house was silent. JJ and Garcia had the two spare bedrooms with Molly and Kayan. Henry and Taylor slept soundly in the makeshift tent they had forced Derek to help them construct in Taylor's bedroom and Derek had taken the couch.

He stirred as the silence was broken by the sound of a door shutting. It wasn't a loud bang, just a small thud, but Derek was only lightly sleeping.

He swung his legs off the sofa and pulled the blanket off of himself. Tiptoeing on bare feet across the hallway, he saw a glow in the kitchen coming from the outside porch lamp and made to the door, opening it silently. Peeking outside, he could see Emily sat on the white painted wooden porch swing, covered in a patchwork blanket, staring into space.

He took a few steps towards her, "Hey." He said softly not wanting to startle her, but it didn't work and he saw her flinch before turning to face him. "Sorry." He grimaced in apology.

"It's ok." She uttered, eying him sheepishly.

He looked down to her and then moved his gaze to the cigarette in her hand that was quivering from the cold.

She stared at him wide eyed, until a smirk crept across her lips as he raised his brow and gave her that disappointed father look.

"I know." She almost sang, with a shake of her head, lifting her hand to place the lit stick in her mouth for one last drag.

But just as the tip touched her lips, she felt it be quickly whipped away.

"Uh uh." He said, hovering above her, "Today, you quit."

"Derek you can't…."

He hushed her with one finger to her lips.

"Packet please," He ordered, beckoning her with one finger.

"No." She protested, "I'll quit tomorrow."

"Tomorrow never comes Emily. You know that."

She sucked her bottom lips and rolled her eyes, pausing to think but he didn't budge. She could feel his glare on her and knew this was one battle she was not going to win tonight. So she looked up at him, playfully defiant and then with a huff she pulled the packet from beside her and dumped it in his hand like it was a lead weight.

With a chuckle, he opened the box pulling out the six remaining cigarettes and snapped them in half in one go, shoving them back in the packet, crunching it up with one had and putting it in his joggers pocket to dispose of later.

"Happy now?" She said with some sarcasm.

"Actually I am." He smiled, pleased with himself, taking a seat next to her. "Can I get a bit of that blanket?" He asked.

"Jeez. It;s all take take take with you isn't?" She smirked, taking the edge of the fabric and handing it to him.

He shuffled closer and nudged her playfully, "So, you cant sleep eh?"

She pressed her lips together and looked ahead, shaking her head.

"This happens every night right?" He said, his tone deep and full of concern.

She sat in silence, staring at a blank spot.

"Emily?" He whispered.

She turned and looked at him dead on, "I'm ok."

He gave a small, breathy laugh at her stubbornness, almost glad to see that tough side of her was still there; As frustrating as it was, it was also somewhat of a comfort that she still had that ability to protect herself, but it was still nowhere near enough.

"So, how you feeling about everything now?" He asked gently, as he slid his arm under the blanket. His hand brushed her thigh inadvertantly just above the knee and he felt her skin. The feel of her sent a shock through him, but he quickly moved his hand away, scared at what it could do; He had never got those images of her flinching at his touch out his head all of those years.

But no flinch came and she turned to look at him, letting her head fall against the back of the seat, a sad smile forming, "I love having them…. and you here."

"But?" He encouraged.

"It just reminds me of what I'm missing."

"They can come and see you." He offered.

She shook her head, "I don't know Derek." She uttered, "What if he realises? What if he follows them?"

"Emily. He's not going to do that." Derek stressed, her paranoia frustrating him.

"You can't know that." She said.

"Well I do know he's…." He paused, thinking about his next words, "He's preoccupied with someone else."

"What do mean?" She asked with surprise, naturally sitting up a little.

"I mean he's got a girlfriend."

He watched her features drop and her mouth take a downward turn. She looked away from him and down to her hands, where she started picking at her the tips of her fingers.

"That bothers you? I don't think he's hurting her if that's what you're worried about."

"No it's not that." She whispered shaking her head.

"What is it then?"

She smiled at him contemplatively, "He gets a normal life and I'm living like this. No friends. No family." She said softly, shifting her body round slightly so her knee was touching his, "No _you_." She whispered.

He returned the smile and snaked his arm around her shoulders, her moulding into him without hesitation, "You have me…. Always." He murmured.

"Yeah. Four hundred miles away."

"We can fix that."

"I have no idea how." She uttered defiantly.

He pulled her in closer to him and placed a feather light kiss at the crown of her head. "I'll fix it. I promise." He assured, his voice thick and tired.

"How?"

"Just leave it with me ok?"

She nodded, too tired to question any further, her eyes lids like heavy weights bearing down, but they opened as she heard his deep tone once again.

"Can I ask you something?" He asked.

"Of course. Fire away."

"If I do fix it. Will you come back?"

He felt her tense a little in his arms as she remained silent, his brow dipping and his eyes saddening. She couldn't see him, but she felt it.

"Can I ask _you_ something?" She said.

"Sure." He sighed.

"Would you take a child away from all this? The fresh sea air. Zero crime rate. Such an innocent place. And take her back to DC?"

"You mean you wouldn't come back?"

She pulled away from him slightly so she could turn and face him and then shook her head, "I'm not saying that. I'm asking you what you would do."

He shrugged, "I guess when you put it like that, it doesn't make sense to come back."

She stared at him mutely for a few seconds and then nestled back into the crook of his arm.

"Except that…."

He heard her small voice say.

"Except that what?"

"You're there." She said as a matter of fact.

He smiled and squeezed her arm gently, "_And_ your family; JJ, Garcia, Reid, Rossi….."

"Ok ok. I get it." She laughed lightly interrupting him.

"I'll tell you what, how about we talk about that when we get there?" He uttered.

He felt her soft hair rub against his shoulder as she nodded and her head fall heavier on to his chest.

"But I promise, you always got me." He whispered, "If you want me around of course."

"Derek…" She breathed sleepily.

"Yeah?"

"Of course I do." She uttered, the final word breaking off as her eyes finally gave in and closed.

He listened carefully and heard her take one heavy long breath followed by shallow slow murmurs and he knew she had drifted to sleep. He had never forgotten how this felt; her so peaceful and content in his arms. There was a time he believed he would never feel it again…..

So he fought to stay awake and feel this for as long as he could, but his tiredness beat him and he joined her sound asleep….. until little hands shook them both awake.

"Derek. Can we show Henry the pancakes you make please?"

"Eh?" He breathed, fighting to open his eyes as the sunlight blinded him.

"The pancakes!" She almost yelled a little impatiently, shaking his arm a little harder.

"Taylor." Emily said sleepily beginning to stir, "Let Derek wake up first." She told the little girl as she laboriously lifted her head from his chest.

"But we're hungry mommy." She whined.

"Hey that's enough." Emily scolded, "You're being rude to our guest."

The little girls brow dipped, "But he's not a guest, he's Derek and he's _my_ friend."

A deep, tired laugh fell from the brunette's mouth and she felt the vibrations from Derek's body as he chuckled.

"Tell you what princess.2 He started, leaning forward a little, "You and Henry go and get all the ingredients and Ill be there in a couple of minutes."

"Ok!" She grinned, turning and skipping away.

Emily smiled sleepily and turned to look at him about to say something, but was interrupted by another voice coming towards them,

"Good morning my beauties." Garcia beamed. "Well look at you two. Did you sleep out here all night?"

"Most of it." Emily chuckled shyly as Derek looked at her.

The techie leant down towards them and whispered, "You know if you'd of said, we could of all disappeared for the night and left you two alone." She winked.

"Penelope, that's all I want to hear of this conversation." Derek protested, removing the blanket and standing up. "I've got pancakes to make. I'll leave you two to it."

Garcia quickly replaced Derek under the blanket and budged up towards Emily and let out what sounded like a squeal.

"What Garcia?" Emily said in an unimpressed tone.

"You two." She said nudging her friend gently.

"What?"

"Its still there isn't it?" She said with a big smile and a quick hunch of the shoulders, "You still love him." She stated in a more serious tone.

Emily glanced toward her friend and then looked back at her lap with a coy, but contemplative smile, "I never stopped." She uttered, "I regret leaving so much. He was everything to me."

"And you are to him." Garcia whispered, "He never stopped looking for you, you know."

"Was he mad with me?"

"At first, yes, of course he was mad. And worried. And scared. And heart broken…."

"It's so complicated and I really don't deserve a second chance. I don't deserve him." Emily mused.

"Yes you do. And he deserves you. So get your skinny ass in gear and do something about it." The techie said nudging the brunette in the side and giving her the biggest Penelope smile she could muster.

~~CM~~

The following day they were back at the BAU, the three Agents sworn to keep their trip a secret from the others until they could find a solution to the situation.

Morgan and Amanda Harding were on the way to interview the fifth witness of the day to the latest in a series of murders of teenage boys across the State.

The dark Agent had been waiting for this silent opportunity since they had left Quantico that morning….

"So you and Kyle a serious thing then eh?" He smiled casually, but inside grimacing.

She chuckled, "So you saw us in the corridor the other day?"

He looked at her, "You weren't exactly discrete." He said with a playful raise of the brow.

"Yeah, we should work on that." She smiled, "You know David then?" She asked.

He shrugged, "Not really. Just from around the place over the years. I'm pretty much part of the furniture now."

"Well, it's been a few months now. And that's about as serious as I get. This job is not exactly conducive to relationships is it?"

She looked over to him when he remained silent and saw a half smile on his face as he concentrated on the road ahead.

"What? You don't think that's true?" She asked.

He glanced over to her, "You just sound like me a few years ago. I used to think the same thing."

"So what do you think now?"

"I think anything's possible if you really want it."

"That's deep." She smiled teasingly.

He chuckled, then continued, "So, he's not _the one_ then?"

"I don't believe in all that drivel." She waved away.

He looked at her again and gave a contemplative smile.

"What?" She asked.

"You just remind me of someone." He almost sighed.

"Who?"

He shook his head, "Just someone I used to know."

"Oh, ok." She smiled, looking back to the case file in her hands.

"He treat you good?" He words suddenly fell out of his mouth and he felt himself burn up, knowing the question was probably going a little too far.

She remained quiet and he daren't look at her, so he broke the silence, "Sorry. I shouldn't have asked that. Forget I said anything."

She stared at him and her brow dipped as she scrutinised him, "Have you two got history or something?" She asked.

"No." He said shaking his head, "It's juts he has a bit of a reputation, you know?"

"Oh, you mean as a player?" She laughed.

"Yeah." He smiled. "That doesn't bother you?"

"Well, he treats me very well and don't worry, I can look after myself.. But thanks for caring."

"No problem." He uttered.

She paused, picking up her cell and scrolling though the messages sent to her by Garcia, "So what about you?" She asked, still reading her screen.

"What about me?"

"You play your cards very close to you chest Agent Morgan." She said, putting the cell back in her lap and looking toward him, "So are you with anyone?"

He frowned and shifted uncomfortably.

"Hey come on Morgan, play fair. You asked me."

"Ok. If you must know, no there isn't anyone."

"But there was." She said as a matter of fact.

He shook his head with a roll of the eyes, "There is a big downside to working with profilers."

"Ok." She muttered with a smile, "We can leave this till another day….. Baby steps….. But there will be another day."

~~CM~~

A few days later, Derek walked into the bullpen searching out JJ. He could see her blond hair peaking out from the side of the computer screen in front of her.

"JJ." He said as he approached her desk, dropping the case file in his hand onto her desk.

"Yeah?" She said, not removing her attention from the screen.

"I can't sign the Garrison report off. There's no Doctors report."

She looked up to him with confusion, "But I definitely put it in there."

"Well it's not there now."

He watched her face awaiting a response, but she looked past him causing him to frown.

"JJ?" He said.

But she didn't respond and sensing someone else's presence he turned around.

"Hey guys." David Kyle smiled. "Amanda around?"

JJ stood up awkwardly, "Er, she's just in with Hotch going through a report." The blond told him.

"Oh ok." He said cheerily, sitting in Amanda's chair, setting his hands on the arm rests, "I'll just wait for her."

Morgan turned back towards JJ, his eyes closed as he attempted to calm himself.

"Hey Morgan." Kyle called out, "It's funny isn't it?"

Derek opened his eyes, and JJ looked at him, swallowing hard, at a loss as what to do for the best.

"What's funny?" The dark profiler uttered through gritted teeth, before turning to face the man.

"Well, a few years ago it was me working with your girlfriend. Now it's you working with mine. You better take care of her." He winked.

"What?" Fell out of Derek's mouth.

"I _said_, you better take care of her." He said nonchalantly.

Derek stared at him, his nostrils flared as he attempted to contain himself watching the tall blond Agent, messing around with the stapler on Harding's desk.

JJ looked down at Derek's arms that were down by his side and saw his fists clench, a single vein in each forearm bulging as the pressure built.

She took a step forward slowly and quietly.

"You heard from her?" Kyle continued, oblivious to the profilers glare on him.

When he got no response, he looked up. "Is there something up with your ears Morgan? I said did you hear from Emily?"

Derek's jaw stiffened and he felt his own nails digging into his skin as he tensed further. He opened his mouth to reply, but he felt the gentle touch of JJ's hand on his arm.

He swallowed and exhaled before responding, "No." He said firlmy.

"So weird." Kyle chuckled with a shake of the head, "Just disappearing like that. Wonder what it could have been."

Derek immediately took a step forward but halted as he heard JJ's voice, "Morgan?"

"What?" He growled

"We've got to go and see Garcia to go through that footage. We're late. We better go."

Without looking back, Derek gave the tiniest of nods and steamed past Kyle, maintaining his glare on the man until the last second.

JJ had to practically jog to keep up with the Agent who slammed through the glass doors. As they turned the corner, he slammed his fist into the wall and then leant against it, letting it take his weight and she watched the heavy rise and fall of his chest.

"Morgan." She said softly, placing her hand lightly on his back, "It's gonna be ok."

He shook his head, "I can't do it JJ. I can't be around him. You have no idea what I wanted to do to him in there."

"But you didn't." She uttered, "You're better than that."

"No JJ. No I'm not." He growled as he pushed himself off the wall and made down the corridor.

She watched him with concern as he vanished out of sight and then glanced to the wall where small droplets of his blood began to trickle…...

**To be continued…..**

(So do you think Derek should contain himself?) ;)


	7. Chapter 7

**Thank you as always for all of the reviews. Your thoughts on whether he should contain himself were split… let's see what he does… This is a long chapter BTW.**

He pounded and pounded his fists as hard as he could against the thick, dense leather. The sweat was dripping from every pore and his breaths burned his throat as panted heavily and coarsely. His eyes rolled in his head as the light headedness began to take over and he inhaled sharply to regain control of his senses.

He needed this though; He needed a release from the past week or so. Digging into the life of David Kyle was exhausting, frustrating and infuriating, and he was so now consumed by the rage as he hammered into the punching bag that he didn't notice the other figure in the room until he heard a deep, clearly forced cough.

He steadied himself by holding both hands either side of the bag and then turned slowly, scanning the gym for the source of the sound.

The man in the opposite corner smiled at him as he wound the boxing handwrap around his one hand and then began on the other.

"You look beat Morgan." The man said nodding towards him.

"What's it got to do with you Kyle?" Morgan murmured gruffly and out of breath, turning back towards the bag.

He took one laboured swing, connecting heavily with his target and as he took the second he saw the figure of David Kyle out of the corner of his eye stood to his side.

"What are you doing?" Derek asked him as the man grabbed the bag, stopping it from swinging.

"Fancy sparring?"

Derek let his hands fall tiredly to his sides and looked Kyle up and down, "With you? No thanks."

Kyle's brow dipped with a coy smirk, "What's got your goat?"

"Nothing." The dark Agent said, raising his arms and pushing the bag firmly towards Kyle, "It's all yours."

He slowly stepped past the blond Agent and made toward the exit a tightness in his chest forming merely from breathing the same air the man.

"Morgan."

Derek heard the man's low, much more serious tone, and halted.

"By the way, why the sudden interest in me?" Kyle continued.

Derek frowned and twisted his body, looking back to the man over his shoulder. "I have _no_ interest in you."

"You've been talking to Amanda about me." Kyle said as a matter of fact.

Derek manoeuvred round so he was face to face with Kyle once more, "What did she say?"

Kyle let out a sarcastic sort, "She didn't say much. Let it slip really. Asked if me and you had some sort of history. Why else would she ask that if you hadn't been talking about me?"

Morgan shrugged.

"C'mon Morgan, you can do better than that. Why you interested in me now?"

"I'm not." Morgan growled, beginning to turn away once again.

But as he did he felt a strong hand on his shoulder pulling him back and he instinctively shoved it away, taking a step back.

"Whoa!" Kyle said holding his hands in front of him, "Calm down Morgan."

"Don't touch me Kyle."

The two men locked eyes and Kyle closed the gap between them again, standing inches from the other Agent. But this time, Derek didn't flinch and didn't remove his gaze.

"Don't try and mess with me and Amanda Derek." Kyle warned, his tone suddenly more serious with a tinge of threat.

"I am _not_ interested in you and Amanda."

"You're not?" Kyle nodded his head and then glanced away and quick smile on his lips before turning back to Derek. "Is this about Emily then?"

As much as Derek tried to hide it with a shake of the head, Kyle saw a flash in his opposite man eye's.

"Have you seen her?" Kyle asked, his eyes squinting in suspicion and a slight surprise in his tone.

"No I haven't." Derek said firmly, spinning around and starting to walk away.

"Where is she?" Kyle called.

Derek halted and shook his head, "I…. Don't…. Know." He said slowly, but forcefully.

"Look, Morgan." Kyle began casually, "I don't know if Amanda reminds you of Emily in some way and you're jealous of us or something, but it isn't my fault she left, so chill out."

Morgan suddenly shot round, taking Kyle by surprise, shoving the slightly taller man up against the wall.

"You don't get to say her name." He growled.

"You have seen her haven't you?" Kyle smirked.

Derek remained silent, his face tense and pursed, his chest heaving from his angry breaths.

"Look man, I don't know what she told you, but you know you can't trust her right?" The blond Agent said casually.

"What would she tell me Kyle?" Derek murmured into the man's face.

"I dunno." He half shrugged, unable to move properly from Derek's weight baring down on him, "But the woman's a born liar. Look how she lied to all of you…. her best friends… her _family_.' He said sarcastically.

"Shut up." Derek said, gripping the man's vest tighter and leaning forward a little adding more pressure.

"Plus, she'd sleep with anyone… I mean a terrorist for gods sake." He scoffed, "C'mon, she's a whore. You had a lucky escape I say."

Everything went black as an enormous pressure built behind Derek's eyes and he felt Kyle push on his chest to free himself, but before he had enough room to escape, Derek's hands gripped either side of Kyle's vest and slammed him back against the wall.

He clenched one fist and pinned the man up against the wall by placing his forearm over his neck, "You speak about her like that once more and I swear you won't be able to utter one more thing from that pretty little mouth of yours." Derek growled in the man's face.

"Jesus Morgan, you still got it _that_ bad after all this time?" Kyle chucked, "So, come on then, what _did_ she tell you?"

"I told you already. I haven't seen her."

"Whatever man." Kyle attempted nonchalance, "She's really not worth it. Good riddance."

Before Derek could think, his elbow had connected with force on Kyle's cheek. The taller man instinctively dropped his weight and wrapped his arms around Derek's waist using his whole body weight to push himself off the wall. The momentum sent both men flying across the room and Derek ended up on his back with Kyle above him, now with the upper hand.

Kyle straddled the dark profiler's hips and pinned him down by both shoulders. "You should have just left it Morgan. Just let it lie." He spat as he struggled to hold the profiler down.

"Left what?" Derek snarled.

"She left you Morgan. Just accept it. She ran away. She's good at that right?"

As Kyle waited for an answer, he suddenly felt his body begin to rise as Derek lifted his hips and twisted. Kyle tried to bare his weight down on Derek, but he was too strong and he felt his body flip over and slam on the matted floor.

His arms were pinned to the ground and his legs wouldn't move as Derek had entangled their legs and sat heavily on his hips.

"Tell me Kyle…. Tell me what you think she would say to me if I saw her now." Derek spat as he hovered above the blond man.

Kyle sniggered defiantly before jerking his head forward in an attempt to head butt the profiler, but he wasn't quick enough and Derek slammed a fist into the man's face causing blood to immediately flow from his nose. He scrunched his face up in pain and then reluctantly opened his eyes as Derek shook him.

"Tell me what she would say Kyle!" Derek shouted with venom.

Kyle glared into Derek's eyes that looked as though they were on fire and could feel the profiler's fingernails digging harder and harder into his forearms as he gripped him to the ground.

He took a long breath and then a smirk creep across his lips.

"You wanna know what she would say….? She would tell you that we slept together. That she cheated on _you_. With _me_….. And it was great." He grinned defiantly, "Yeah, that's why she would say she ran away."

And that's when rage wholly consumed Derek; He pounded down on the man below him, but as he lost his control, Kyle gained the upper hand again and so the balance of power shifted from man to man as they rolled around the gym, fists flying, bodies slamming until Kyle eventually managed to clamber to his feet, Derek quickly following him. Both men hunched over, gasping for breath, sweating and eyeing each other up.

As Derek glared at his opponent, he saw those eyes staring back at him with a pure, arrogant evil in them and he shook his head quickly as the thought of Emily having to face this monster that night back then, flashed through his mind.

He felt his blood boil even further, and couldn't help but run at the man, slamming him against a wall, punching him to his stomach, throwing an uppercut to his chin before slamming a fist across his cheek. As he breathed hard and fast through his nose, he stared at the man in front of him, quiet and bleeding and now not fighting back.

He shook his head as it span and his focus began to slowly come back.

"Feel better now?" Kyle whispered as his head lolled against the wall behind, one eye half shut and blood smeared across his face.

"Not even close." Derek muttered into the man's face.

"I know you found her Derek." The blond man began, "And if you can find her, so can I."

"What could you possibly want to find her for Kyle?"

"We have unfinished business…." He scoffed.

"You have nothing with her. Don't even think about it Kyle. I won't stop with a few punches next time."

Kyle laughed deliriously, "Go and look at yourself in the mirror. I wouldn't call this a victory."

Derek could feel his own blood seeping from his nose, over his lips and down his chin, but he didn't flinch. Instead, he released his grip of Kyle and backed away, exhausted from his battle.

~~CM~~

After a quick, painful shower, Derek threw on his jeans and a T-shirt and made straight for Garcia's office.

As he rushed along the corridor and turned a corner he had to suddenly halt himself to stop from bumping into JJ and Amanda who were walking towards him.

"Morgan, what the hell?" JJ exclaimed upon seeing his face.

Unable to look the two women in the face, he looked past them, "It's nothing. I've gotta go and see Garcia." He muttered to them, side stepping and continuing on his path.

"But we've got a briefing now Morgan." Amanda called to him as he stormed off. She had no idea if he heard her, but he didn't stop.

Without knocking, he burst through the techie's door.

"Jeez, you don't need to kick my door in….." She began, stopping as she turned and saw his bruised and swelling face, "What the…?" Garcia shrieked.

"It's nothing." He waved away.

"You're kidding me right? That beautiful face is all beat up and it's nothing."

He grimaced as the pain hit him when he instinctively smiled, "I'm ok Penelope, honestly." He said assuringly, touching her shoulder gently, "But I need you to help me."

"Of course. Whatever you need." She agreed without hesitation, swiftly turning back to her mass of computer screens, "What do you want me to do? I take it this is to do with Emily?"

He nodded, "I need you to track Kyle…. His SUV…. His phone; I need to know if he starts to make his way out of town."

"Why?"

"He knows I've seen Emily."

"How?"

Derek shook his head, "Don't ask. I just know he's going to look for her now."

"How would he find her?"

"What would you do if you knew I'd seen or spoken to her?"

"Check your phone and track where your SUV has been going lately."

"Exactly. He can do that easily. He'll find her in no time. I need you to tell me if he does anything like that."

"And what are you going to do?" She said looking up to him with a raised brow.

"Don't worry about that. Leave it to me."

She swivelled in her chair to face him straight on, "Derek, please don't do anything stupid." Her tone pleading, and worry painted all over her face.

He leant down and gently touched the top of her arm, "I won't baby girl. But I gotta look out for Emily and Taylor."

"I know." She said with a nod. "Should we tell JJ?" She added.

"You can tell her. I'm going now. I'll call you later."

"Wait a minute. What do I tell Hotch? We've got a briefing in ten minutes."

"Tell him I hurt myself." Derek said as he rushed towards the door. "I don't expect you to lie for me." He uttered glancing back at his friend apologetically and then disappearing out of the door.

He rushed to his office, picked up his wallet, car keys and shoved his glock in his ankle holster. As he turned to leave, he halted upon seeing JJ stood in the door way.

"What the hell is going on?" She uttered quietly, stepping into the room to be out of earshot of the bullpen.

"I have haven't got time to explain JJ." He told her with shake of the head.

"I just saw the state of Kyle and he looks worse than you."

"Where is he now?" He asked, ignoring her question.

"Amanda went after him."

"Where did they go?"

"I don't know." The blond answered, taking a step to the side as he walked towards her. "Morgan what are you going to do?"

"I'll call you later…. When Amanda turns up, stay close to her and see if Kyle told her anything, ok?"

The blond just nodded in agreement seeing the determination in his face. He gave an unconvincing smile and then left the room.

He threw his bag over his shoulder and paced out of the bull pen in an attempt to avoid Hotch or Rossi who would ask a million and one more awkward questions. He stood in front of the elevator after pressing the call button and watched the numbers light up as the vessel made its way up to him. As the doors opened and he was about to take a step, he heard muffled voices. They were muffled, but they were loud and familiar. He shook his head about to ignore it, but when he heard a loud bang, he sprung into action….. He jogged to the source and paused outside the door to one of the interview rooms, but he wasted no time. Shoving the door open, all went quiet as Amanda and Kyle spun round to look at him.

"Get out!" Kyle growled at the dark agent.

Ignoring the man, Morgan turned to Amanda, "You ok?"

She stared at him, her nostrils flaring with anger, but her hand clutching the top of her arm.

"Did he hurt you?" He added.

Her brow furrowed, "Cleary not as much as he hurt you." She said looking him up and down, "Are you going to tell me what the hell's going on?"

"Don't talk to him!" Kyle ordered the brunette stood next to him.

Her head spun round to glare at him, "You don't tell me who I can and can't talk to David!"

Kyle took a sharp breath in though his nose and gritted his teeth, "Don't push me." He snarled at her.

"Is that some kind of a threat?" She spat without hesitation, but with some surprise.

Kyle shut his eyes tight and Morgan could see his chest heaving and his fists clench. He was losing control and she was pushing him too hard.

"David!" She yelled about to reach out to him. But before she could, he grabbed her by each arm and shoved her forcefully, "Get out of my fucking way." He growled as she went flying backwards against the solid wall.

"What the hell are you doing man?" Morgan hissed at Kyle as he fled the room.

The dark profiler wanted to go after him, but looked at Amanda picking herself up in shock and couldn't do anything but go to her.

"Are you ok?" He asked, offering her a hand to steady her.

"I'm fine." She snapped, refusing his offer, "I've never seen him like that. What the hell went on with you two?"

"I'm sorry." Morgan bargained, "You were never meant to get caught up in this."

"What Morgan? What the hell am I caught up in?"

"Amanda, I have to go, but will you just go and see JJ and explain what happened. Don't go near him again ok?"

"What so you're telling me what to do now?"

Morgan exhaled slowly, "Amanda, no I'm not, but please just trust me."

She shook her head and looked at him in disbelief… Well of course she would. She didn't know anything about Morgan and as far as she was concerned he had just turned her relationship upside down. Straightening up her suit jacket, she gave him one last look of thunder and walked past him.

~~CM~~

He sat at the side of the road in his SUV after a quickly picking up a few things. He grabbed his cell from the centre consol and dialled Emily's.

"_Hey."_ He heard her smile at the other end.

"Hey Emily." He uttered softly, guilty for what he was about to do to her world, "You ok?"

"_Yeah, I' fine. What's wrong? You sound like there's something wrong." _She asked quickly.

He gave a light chuckle, "You can still tell that easily eh?"

"_Yes, I can." _She told him, _"So what's wrong?"_

"Em. I need you to get Taylor, pack some things and get out of town."

"_What?"_

"I promise I will explain everything. But please just get on the road and then call me."

"_Derek, you're scaring me. It's Kyle isn't it? He knows where I am."_ She said a little desperately.

"I don't know…. Well he doesn't right now, but…." He stuttered.

"_Derek you're not making any sense."_

"Look, I just don't want to take any chances."

"_Ok, but where do I go?" _She said sounding lost_, "I don't have anywhere to go."_

"Go anywhere. Get a hotel as far away as you can travel today."

"_Ok."_ She breathed.

"Oh and have you got a pen?"

"_A pen?" _

"Yes I need you to write something down."

"_Hang on."_ She said, fumbling to open the small draw on the table and shoving the contents around until she found a pencil and small piece of paper. _"Go on."_ She said.

"This is a cell number…. 614-699-1134. It's unregistered. "

"_Why do you need an unregistered cell number?"  
_"I'm just not taking any chances. I want you to leave your cell at the house and buy a new one from that store in town. As soon as you get one, you ring me straight away on the new number, ok?"

"_Ok, but…" _She halted.

"But what?" He asked.

There was a small silence and he heard her quiet, but quicker than normal breaths.

"Baby… I'm sorry this is happening, but I promise everything will be ok. This is just a precaution. You can do this."

"_Derek I'm not Agent Prentiss anymore. I haven't been that for over four years… and I've got Taylor now."_

"Emily. You'll be fine. Just go to a hotel and wait."

"_You're coming to us right?"_

He paused and swallowed before answering, "I'll be there as soon as I can."

"_What does that mean?"_

"Emily…. Do you trust me?"

"_Of course I trust you."_

"Then please, just start packing and get out of there….. Please?"

She paused, but eventually conceded, _"Ok."_

"And call me as soon as you have a new cell." He reiterated.

"_I will."_ Her words quiet and unsure.

"And Emily…?"

"_Yeah?"_

"I…." He let out an awkward breath, "Just take care, ok?" He whispered.

"_I will. Talk to you later Derek."_

"Yeah, talk to you later." He breathed with a regret in his tone.

~~CM~~

Derek sat in the dark, his head fallen back against the cold hard surface of the kitchen cupboard, his eyes drooping shut from the exhaustion of the day so far.

His eyes darted open as he felt the vibration of his new cell that had been rested in his hand for the past hour and he saw the screen light up.

"Emily?"

"_Yeah. It's me. We're at a hotel in Harrisburg, not far from Charlotte."_

"Good. Is Taylor ok?"

"_Yeah she's fine. She's sleeping."_

"I bet she's exhausted."

"_She is… So are you coming here?"_

"Yeah I will."

"_When?"_

"Soon, I promise."

"_What do you mean, soon?"_

"I've just got to do some stuff first."

"_What Derek? You said you'd tell me what was going on."_

He paused, searching out his next words. He was so focused on thinking, that he missed the sound that caught her attention.

"_Derek?"_

"I'm just…."

"_You're at my house."_ She stated.

"How..?"

"_I just heard my clock. The cuckoo clock in my kitchen. Why are you at my house?"_

"Emily I…"

"_You're waiting for him aren't you?"_

He sighed. He didn't want her to know. He didn't want her to worry. "Honestly, I have no idea if he's coming here. I just wanna make sure everything's ok and then I'll come to you."

"_When?"_

"Tomorrow. I'm exhausted Em and it's another four hour drive to get to you. You're safe where you are. He can't trace you there."

"_I know, but…."_ He heard the phone go silent.

"But what?" He asked.

"_Oh, it doesn't matter. Just make sure you come here first thing tomorrow."_

"Of course…. I will. Now try and get some sleep eh?"

"_Sure. You too."_

"I will. G'night Emily." He uttered.

"_Goodnight Derek." _She said softly.

~~CM~~

He woke with a jolt as his cell vibrated in his lap. He struggled to see the screen as his tried eyes focused slowly.

"Hey Penelope" He uttered, his voice deep and coarse.

"_Hey Derek. You ok?"_

"Yeah. What's happening?"

"_He's on the way to you."_

"He fell for it then?"

"_Yeah, tapped into the Bureau's GPS system, checked your SUV's movements for the past few weeks and yesterday."_

"Where is he now?"

"_About two hours from you."_

"Good."

"_Derek, you know what you're doing right?" _She asked with concern.

"Of course Penelope."

"_You're gonna call the local P.D. now, right?"_

"Right." He lied.

"_Ok, call me as soon as you've got him."_

"I will."

~~CM~~

As he heard the pans of glass smash in the back door, Derek moved. He didn't stand, but he got to his feet and crouched down, unholstering his glock. He waited patiently as the man took his time working through each of the five locks Emily had bolstered the door with and prayed that he'd deactivated the alarm correctly; He didn't want anything scaring Kyle away.

Derek was sure he heard a sigh of relief from the man as the door eventually clicked open and he slowly pushed it. He watched the Agent's silhouette creep past him, across the kitchen and into the hallway and slowly got up himself and began to follow.

Kyle halted as the hallway illuminated.

"Wrong move Kyle." Derek said, holding out his glock in front of him and taking aim.

The tall man raised his arms in surrender and turned to face his captor.

"I should of known really shouldn't I?" He smirked.

"Yeah." Derek said, "You really think I was going to leave Emily here as a sitting duck?"

"I didn't think you'd be this quick."

"You shouldn't underestimate me." The dark profiler told the man.

"Clearly." Kyle shrugged, "So what now? You kill me?" He said sarcastically.

"No Kyle. You're going to quit your job and move to the other side of the country, never to step foot on the East coast again."

Kyle laughed mockingly, "And why the hell would I do that?"

"Because if you don't I'm gonna blow the lid on you."

"What, you think anyone's going to believe Emily after all these years."

Derek shook his head, "I'm not talking about Emily. For starters we've got breaking and entering here…. The outside of this place is covered in cameras." Derek smiled, "Rookie mistake Kyle."

"Is that it? Is that what you got? I….." He stopped as something caught his attention behind Derek.

The profiler watched confusion and then realisation dance across Kyle's face.

"That bitch!" He spat, "She was pregnant." He breathed in realisation as he inspected the picture of Taylor on the wall.

"Yeah she was." Derek snarled.

Kyle gave a quick smile as he though, "Well, I got a good excuse for being here then right? My kid's here. I was emotional because I just found out I got a daughter. They'll swallow that." He said with come certainty.

"Then you just assaulted Amanda." Derek continued.

"Really?" Kyle smirked, "Morgan, this really is clutching at straws. You'd just beaten the crap out of me. Face it. You've got nothing."

"Um, may be." Derek conceded, with a nonchalant shrug of his shoulders, "Apart from the fact I also have Mary Sanders."

The tall man's features suddenly dropped, and his Adams apple rippled as he swallowed, "Mary Sanders?" He chuckled nervously.

"Yes Kyle." Derek said taking a step forward, "Mary Sanders. The girl you got pregnant, then set up so the child was taken away from her."

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Oh right." Derek began with a raise of his brow, "Because I've met her and she remembers a lot about you. You see, I recalled something Emily said about you….. When you thought _she_ was pregnant you made a comment about someone having your baby and not letting you see it and you didn't let them get away with it….. Remember that?"

Kyle shut his eyes momentarily as he drifted back to that conversation with Emily.

"Well." Derek continued, "Working at Quantico for as long as you have, you'll know we have the best technical analyst known to man…. And yes she found Mary Sanders, and yes I paid her a visit…"

"You can't believe a word she says. She just a little good for nothing junkie whore."

"Only since she met you." Derek stated. "Thing is, that child that you had taken off her, after getting her hooked on heroin, can bring you down Kyle. Mary was only fourteen when you got her pregnant."

"I didn't know that. She told me she was nineteen."

"That may be the case, but it's still statutory rape." Derek said as a matter of fact, "And remember the bent cop, who was it? Officer Tony Grayson, who got you the heroin and was the one to miraculously bust Mary…. He's in jail now. I'm sure he'd be all too willing to talk now to get some time knocked of his sentence… nothing like bringing down a crooked FBI Agent."

Kyle laughed nervously, "None of these people are reliable witnesses. You wouldn't get anything to stick."

"May be. May be not." Derek shrugged, "But put it all together and it'll be enough for Internal Affairs to be all over you like a rash. And you know what they're like; They won't leave a stone unturned."

Derek watched Kyle rub his large hand over his mouth as he thought. He could tell the man was worried…. All the past wrongs he had done whirling through his mind. All the tracks he thought he had covered successfully may now just be unravelling in front of him.

But of course, for him to just roll over and take this, did not fit his profile. He wanted control. He wanted whatever he wanted. It was ingrained in him.

The blond man's head was dipped and Derek saw his shoulders judder and his head shake, and when he lifted his gaze to meet Derek's, there was a pained smile painted on his lips.

"No. I' not going anywhere." He said firmly, "She doesn't get away with it that easily."

"What the hell are you talking about Kyle? She doesn't get away with what?"

"Taking my child away from me. She has no right."

Derek frowned in disbelief, unable to process the words the man just said, but he was quickly bought to reality as Kyle took a step towards him. "What do you think you're doing?" Derek asked, instinctively raising his glock to Kyle's chest.

Kyle stopped and raised his hands, "You're not gonna shoot me. I'm unarmed." He scoffed.

Derek maintained his aim on his target, "Don't bet on it Kyle. I will not let you ruin her life anymore than you already have. Just disappear and do yourself a favour."

"Or what, you're gonna kill me?"

"You've just broken in." Derek offered, "It was dark. I didn't know what weapons you were carrying."

"Come on Morgan." Kyle laughed defiantly, "We had a fight yesterday. My body will be covered in bruises and scratches from you. You'd never get away with saying this wasn't premeditated."

"No. But I would." A voice could be heard from the kitchen doorway, causing both men to turn in an instant, to see the thin outline of a woman holding a weapon out in front of her.

"Emily?" Derek almost whispered. "What are you doing?"

"I'm not letting him get away with it that easily. He is not going to walk out of here." She said, not removing her glare from Kyle.

"Wow. Emily Prentiss." The blond Agent said smugly, with not a hint of worry in his tone.

Taking a step forward into the room, she extended her arm and aimed at his chest, "Get on your knees." She said dryly.

"What?" He smirked.

"I said, get on your knees." The brunette yelled impatiently.

"Emily." She heard Derek murmur from behind her.

"Just stay out of this Derek." She said without turning around. "This doesn't have to involve you."

"But Emily…"

He halted as she held up her free hand up to hush him.

"Get…. On…. Your…. knees." She said slowly and firmly to the blond man.

He shook his head with an unimpressed roll of the eyes, "Where's our daughter?" Kyle asked ignoring her direction.

Her eyes widened with fear, then rage, "Don't you dare." She spat, "She is _not_ your daughter."

"Oh, but looking at the pretty face Emily." He said, nodding towards the large photo of Taylor on the wall, "Your mouth. My eyes. That is _my_ kid."

"Biologically, may be, but that's as close as you'll ever get Kyle. You will never breathe the same air as her. I promise you that."

"Where is she?" He asked again.

"Somewhere safe, far far away from here."

"What's her name?" He asked with genuine curiosity.

She suddenly flinched in anger, "Just shut up and get on your knees! Now!"

Kyle saw the rage in her eyes and her finger pulsing on the trigger

"Ok ok" He sighed, dropping to his knees.

"Hands behind your head." She instructed.

"Are you serious? What is this?" Kyle spat with a shake of the head.

"Just shut up and do what I say." She told him.

The man stared at her defiantly, not moving a muscle as she shuffled on her feet nervously. Something not lost on either man.

"Kyle, I suggest you just do what she says." Derek said calmly with concern for what Emily would do next.

He couldn't see her face, but could hear her rage. There was a slight shake to her voice as she gave her instructions. They had been in this position so many times in the field, but never once had he heard her voice quiver the way it just did…. nor had her hand had ever shaken the way it did right now. He had to remind himself that she hadn't done this for over four years…. It wasn't like riding a bike. You didn't just pick it up again; You had to practice. Do it day in day out. It had to be instinctive and second nature and he was pretty sure the glock she had in her hand had been sat in the same place for years…. Just waiting for this moment.

As Kyle interlaced his fingers behind his head, Derek watched Emily take slow, small paces towards him. She stopped a couple of steps short and levelled the gun at his forehead.

Derek's heart began to pound. He couldn't believe what she was doing; She would have no defence to shooting an unarmed man execution style, no matter what he had done to her in the past.

"Emily." Derek said softly, "Please, stop. He's gonna leave you alone. I sorted that."

He saw her shake her head slowly, "It's not that." She uttered.

"Then what….?"

"Tell him." She snarled at the man on his knees.

"Tell him what?" Kyle asked.

"Tell him what you did to me."

Kyle looked from Emily to Derek and then back to the brunette. "You want me to tell him how we slept together?"

"We didn't sleep together!" She shouted, "You raped me."

He smirked defiantly, "Come on Emily, it was a game. You played hard to get and wanted me to chase you. It's what girls like you do."

Her brow furrowed, "Girls like me?"

"Hey Morgan." Kyle said turning to the dark Agent, "She never teased you? Lead you on?"

Derek gritted his teeth and his nostrils flared as he held his own rage in. "You are insane man." He uttered, shaking his head.

Kyle turned back to Emily, whose chest was now heaving and her face tense with venom. He felt the cold metal of the barrel slowly press against his forehead and could see her shaky fingers caressing the trigger.

"Ok." He said in defeat.

"Ok what?" She snarled.

"I'm sorry if I went too far."

"Too far!" She exclaimed as she applied more pressure, "Tell him what you did to me!"

"Emily." Derek bargained, "He doesn't need to tell me. I believe you."

"I know, but I want him to say it out loud."

"What do you want me to say?"

"I want you to tell him how you handcuffed me…." She took some laboured breaths before continuing, "And how you humiliated me and raped me over and over again…."

He scrunched his face, "You're exaggerating." He scoffed, but before the last syllable had barely left his mouth when he felt a stinging blow to the side of his face as she smashed the butt of her gun against him.

"Stop it!" She yelled, her chest heaving and her glock carrying hand shaking even more.

She swallowed as she heard Derek's deep tone behind her.

"Emily." He uttered, "We can sort this. He'll be gone. You don't have to do this."

Kyle winced as the stinging in his cheek pulsated and glanced up towards her trigger finger, still teasing at the metal.

"Ok. Ok." He began softly, nodding his head slowly, "I raped you." He uttered, the smallest hint of shame in his tone.

Her eyes widened and her bottom lip began to quiver as the words fell from his mouth. She sighed inside with relief and was about to lower the glock when she saw his face change; the corners of his mouth upturned and tiniest hint of a smirk appeared before he continued.

"I held you down and I stripped you naked…"

"That's enough." Derek growled, but he was ignored.

"….I ran my hands all over that fine body of yours and every part you felt so good. Like velvet." He reminisced closing his eyes to picture her all over again.

"I said that's enough!" Derek yelled. He took a step closer, wanting it to end, but he could see her hand shaking hard, the glock still rested on Kyle's temple and he didn't want to startle her.

But the other two people in the room didn't even hear him.

As Kyle opened his eyes, he smiled seeing her breaking in front of him once again. Tears streamed down her face as she looked at him, her eyes glazed over and he guessed she was right back in that room with him. He leant forward just a little, "Your body wriggling underneath me as I tasted you…." He whispered, lowering his tone even further, "and my god you tasted so good Emily…"

And that's when he took his chance. As she closed her eyes momentarily to try and shut him out, he whipped his arm from the back of his head, knocking the glock out of her hand, his elbow cracking against the side of her face as he followed through. The gun flew across to the other side of the room and as it did, Kyle lunged forward, grabbing Emily by her shoulders and shoving his face into hers, "You think you can beat me do you?" He spat in her face.

Derek lifted his glock to take aim, but Kyle was too quick and turned their bodies so Emily's back faced Derek. He had no shot.

"… You're nothing but a two bit whore Emily." He continued, "Always was and always will be. You'll always be mine. You're soiled. No one will want you again." He growled though gritted teeth.

"Let her go Kyle, now!" Derek ordered, as he watched the brunette fighting to struggle away. He holstered his glock, about to close the gap and grab Kyle off her, but froze as he saw the man grab for his sock.

Pulling his glock out once more, he levelled it towards the two people and felt his heart sink as he saw the glimmer from the shiny metal as Kyle held a knife under Emily's chin.

"Kyle." Derek began, in a calm, low tone, "It doesn't have to go down this way. Just put the knife down and we can all walk out of here in one piece."

"No way." He shook his head, "She doesn't beat me."

About to answer him, Derek stopped when he heard her voice;

"Oh but I already did beat you." She muttered into his face, "You see, I got away from you and chose to have my daughter and chose this life. It doesn't matter what you do to me today, you will _never_ have the life you created for yourself again. You've lost it. You've lost control."

Before he could respond, she sensed something….. Something came back to her. As she had been talking, Derek had moved around them and was now stood behind Kyle. She saw him nod out of the corner of his eye and she knew exactly what to do.

She overtly glanced over Kyle's shoulder, her eye movements exaggerated and Kyle fell for it. As he turned to look behind him, she smashed her arm into his that was carrying the knife and it fell from his hand. She then dropped her body weight, to try and free herself from him, but his grip was too tight and they both fell to the ground. Keeping hold of her with one strong hand, Kyle stretched backwards behind him, leaving his entire body exposed, and reached for the knife, his fingertips brushing at the handle to bring it closer to him.

"Kyle don't!" Derek called, but the man ignored his order and eventually the handle of the knife was in his grip. But before he could make one more move, a shot rang through the air and his grip on Emily slowly loosened.

She pushed his arm away and began to stand up watching his body fall lifeless to the ground, his face nose down on the cold floor, his arms splayed either side of him.

Derek lunged forward and put two fingers to Kyle's throat, then glancing up to Emily giving her a reassuring nod. But before she could process anything, Derek's arms were wrapped around her.

"You ok?" He breathed into her.

She nodded as she clung on to him, so exhausted that she thought she would fall to the ground if he didn't keep hold of her.

"It's over now baby. He's gone." She heard him whisper…..

**So…. What did you think? Sorry it was so long, but I really didn't want to split it… I'm sure you would have hated me if I did… lol**


	8. Chapter 8

**Thanks as always to all the reviews…. Hope this doesn't disappoint. **

The team started taking their seats at the round table, as they did, all looking up at the photos on the screen of the carvings on the chests of each teenage victim.

"Thanks for the help on this consult guys." Harding said, head buried in her bag as she rifled through to find the reports she needed.

"Not a problem." Hotch assured, "We wrapped up the case yesterday quicker than expected, so we've got time to play catch up now."

"Thanks." She smiled gratefully, "I'm really at a loss with this one."

"Happens to all of us." Rossi winked at the rookie profiler.

"Ok…" Harding began pointing up to the screen, "Each victim was found in a…"

But she stopped as a cell rang throughout the room. JJ reached into her pocket, looking apologetically towards Harding then moved her gaze to the screen, "Guys, sorry I have to get this." She said as she saw Morgan's name flashing.

"Hello?"

The team watched JJ as the person at the other end spoke to her. They saw the colour drain from her face and her chest heave a little harder than before as she rubbed her forehead where stress lines had formed.

As JJ placed her cell back on the table slowly, Garcia was the first to ask what was wrong, the techie's stomach turning.

"Well?" Reid asked when JJ didn't respond to Garcia, lost in thought.

"JJ, do you need a moment?" Hotch asked softly with concern.

"No." She whispered, looking up to her unit chief with worry, "That was Morgan."

"Is he ok?" Rossi asked, as Garcia put her hand to her mouth, scared at what was to come next.

JJ glanced from one person to the next until she ended up at Harding who was staring at her in confusion. The two women had avoided talking about events of the previous day, both unsure of what they should or shouldn't be saying.

"JJ, what's going on?" Hotch asked.

"Guys." She began, looking round the room, "This is going to come as a shock, and I will explain everything in detail soon, but right now Morgan needs us and….." She paused, but they all remained silent sensing more was to come, "….And so does Emily."

"Emily?" Reid was first to say.

"Is she ok?" Garcia asked quickly.

JJ nodded.

"What do you mean, Emily?" Rossi said. "Where is she? Is she in trouble?"

"Not any more. Well I don't think so." JJ told them, leaving them all in confusion.

"You're not making any sense." Hotch said.

The blond looked to her unit chief then swallowed nervously before turning to Harding, "Amanda. I'm really sorry to have to tell you this, but David is….. David's dead." She almost whispered.

"What?" The brunette breathed, the word catching in her throat, "How…?"

JJ took a deep breath and exhaled looking around her team mates, "Morgan shot him."

"What?" Harding exclaimed.

Hotch suddenly stood up, "Hang on a minute." He said holding his hands in the air to halt any further conversation, "Are you talking about David Kyle, JJ? Amanda's partner?"

The blond nodded.

"And you're saying Morgan shot him?"

"Yes."

"And this is something to do with Emily?"

She nodded again.

"Where are they?" The Unit Chief asked with haste, his brow deeply furrowed.

"North Carolina."

"Ok." Hotch said looking at his watched, "Garcia, get the jet ready. I'm going to speak with Strauss and let her know what's happening. We'll leave in thirty."

As he went to leave, JJ stood and called to him, "Oh Hotch."

"Yes?" He said glancing back.

"Morgan said to call Internal Affairs."

He nodded in understanding, sharing a worried stare with JJ momentarily. His lips were pursed, stopping himself from asking more questions, but he trusted JJ and there was plenty of time for explanation on their journey.

As Hotch left, the blond profiler turned to look at Rossi and Reid, both poised to ask a million and one questions, but she held a hand out to stop them, "Guys, I'll explain everything on the jet." She said apologetically, "But can I just have a few minutes alone with Amanda?"

"Of course." Rossi half smiled in support, then looking to Reid and nodding, indicating for him to follow.

Garcia also stood, "I better go and sort the jet out. You ok?" She asked JJ.

"Yeah, I got this." The blond smiled.

There was a long silence between the two women as the room emptied, and for a few seconds afterwards.

JJ turned her seat so she faced the brunette Agent, who was staring at an invisible spot on the ground.

"You ok?" JJ asked softly.

Harding looked up to meet her gaze, "I don't know." She uttered shaking her head, "I don't know what to think. I don't understand what is going on." She said almost pleadingly.

JJ leant forward a little, but stopped short of placing a reassuring hand on the other woman's arm. She wasn't sure they were there yet,

"Amanda, what you're going to hear about Kyle isn't going to be easy, but I promise I will tell you everything and it will make sense."

Harding paused in though before responding, "I'm not sure I want to come with you."

"Please Amanda, you need to hear this and you _are_ part of this team. You should be with us."

The brunette just stared at JJ, her eyes still bewildered.

"Besides." JJ began, "I don't want you to be on your own. Please just come."

"Ok." She whispered, her tone still unsure; Unsure of the team she was surrounded by. In two days, her seemingly happy personal and professional life had been turned upside down and Derek Morgan appeared to be the catalyst for it.

~~CM~~

"Morgan." JJ called down the corridor as the team rushed towards him, Harding trailing a few paces behind, a little uneasy.

He was stood with his hands on his hips, head bowed a little, staring at a closed door.

"Are you ok?" Hotch asked as Morgan turned around, The Unit Chief, Rossi and Reid's eyes widening with upon seeing his battered face.

"Yeah." He uttered rubbing the back of his head that was pounding like hell.

"Where's Emily?" Garcia asked.

Morgan nodded back towards the bathroom door he had been staring at a few seconds before, "She's in there with Taylor."

JJ's brow furrowed with concern, "Taylor wasn't there when all this happened was she?"

"No." The dark profiler answered, shaking his head, "Emily had got Mr and Mrs Baker, a couple who babysits on occasion, to go to the hotel she had checked in to. They looked after her. They just got here."

"And is Emily ok?" Rossi asked.

Morgan nodded, but unconvincingly, as if he weren't sure himself.

"I'm going to see her." JJ said, slipping past Hotch towards the bathroom.

"Me too." Garcia added, following her friend.

As the girls disappeared, Hotch turned back to Derek, "So." He uttered, "What happened?"

Derek looked into the eyes of his unit chief, full of concern, questions and stress.

"He was gonna stab her Hotch. I had to shoot him." Derek answered, suddenly noticing Harding's presence at the back of the group, causing him to shuffle a little uncomfortably.

"Well then you have nothing to worry about." The Unit chief assured with a firm nod.

"Er, we'll be the judge of that."

The unfamiliar voice caused everyone to turn. Walking up behind Harding was a tall, thin man, with thick, light brown hair, followed by a dark haired younger woman, dressed in a dark navy skirt suit.

The duo made towards Hotch with some determination and the man held his hand out, "Aaron." He said with a nod.

"Harry." Hotch responded as he shook the man's hand.

"Sorry to see you again under such circumstances, but I know you'll appreciate that we have to be involved."

"Of course. I was the one who called your department." Hotch stated, then turning to face his team, "Guys this is Harry Kernard from Internal Affairs…"

"Internal Affairs?" Reid interjected.

"Son." The tall man began, "When one Federal Agent shoots another, people are going to ask questions. We're here to answer them."

"Son?" Reid said with a perplexed expression, about to question his senior when he felt a nudge from Rossi and glanced at him to see him shake his head, stopping him going any further.

"Harry's right." Hotch told the team, "It's just a formality." He turned to face Derek, "We'll be right here waiting for you, ok?"

Derek nodded, with small but thank full smile then looked to Kernard for some direction.

"This way please, Agent Morgan." The man said, indicating further on down the corridor and stepping past Derek, the dark haired woman following dutifully behind.

"You'll be fine." Hotch almost whispered, "Just tell them the truth."

As the three Agents walked away, a Detective appeared from a side room, a pleasant smile upon his face.

"You must be from the FBI?" He said almost excitedly.

"Yes." Hotch nodded, "I'm Agent Hotchner, this is Agent Rossi, Doctor Reid and that's Agent Harding." He said, pointing to the brunette still a few paces down the corridor.

"Nice to meet you all. I'm Detective Maloney. I'm working on the Kyle murder."

"I think it's a little soon to be calling it murder, don't you?" Reid said defensively.

Hotch held his hand up to the Doctor, earning a look of frustration from the younger man.

"My Captain says you can wait in our break out room. There's some refreshments in there. I'm sure you'd like a rest after your journey." The Detective bargained.

"Yes, that would be good. Thank you." Hotch replied.

"Ok follow me." Maloney said cheerily.

"Er Hotch?" Harding called causing her boss to turn around, "I'm just gonna get some fresh air."

"You ok." He asked with concern. "You want someone to come with you?"

She shook her head, "No, I'll be fine. Thank you. I just need a few minutes."

"Ok." He half smiled, attempting some sort of reassurance that he knew would be futile.

~~CM~~

Emily slipped out of the bathroom, leaving Garcia and JJ to get Taylor dressed into some fresh clothes. She looked up and down the corridor expecting to see her old team and Derek, nervousness eating away inside her tummy.

She made her way slowly down the corridor, looking for someone to ask where they may be when she spotted and woman in a light grey suit, stood in a side room. Assuming it was a local Detective, she dipped into the room.

"Um." Emily muttered, as she walked in toward the woman with her back to her. She was stood with her arms folded, staring out of the window, seemingly unaware of Emily's presence.

"Excuse me." The brunette said quietly, not wanting to startle the woman who appeared caught up in her own thoughts.

The woman turned around quickly and opened her mouth to speak, but stopped upon seeing Emily. Her eyes widened and she just stared. Emily frowned a little in confusion and then looked over her shoulder wondering if there was someone stood behind her.

When she met the other woman's gaze once again, she gave a nervous smile, "Er, do you know where Derek Morgan is?"

The woman swallowed then shook her head slowly, "He er... He just left with Internal Affairs."

"Oh." Emily sighed, a look of worry flashing across her face. "Ok, thanks, I'll wait for him out there." She said, pointing back through the door.

She began to turn around, but stopped as the woman spoke out, "Wait." She said.

"Yes?" The brunette replied as she turned back.

"You're Emily aren't you?"

Emily gave a small nod, her eyes narrowed with question.

"I'm Amanda." Harding offered, taking a small step forward, "I'm new on the BAU."

"Oh." Emily uttered, looking down, realisation dawning upon her, "Derek told me about you." She said meeting Amanda's stare once again, "You were with..."

Amanda nodded, "David." She whispered.

Emily felt herself burn up and her chest begin to pound. She couldn't read the woman in front of her and she guessed she already knew a lot about her, but she really knew nothing about Amanda Harding.

"Are you ok?" The Agent said, pointing towards Emily's bruised face, "That looks sore."

"Yeah it is." The brunette said with a hint of a sorry smile, "But it's nothing really."

The two women then stood in silence, just staring at each other, both understanding they had something in common. More than one thing in fact. They shared so much, but were total strangers.

"I'm sorry." Emily said, lost for what else she could say.

"What for?" Amanda asked. "For David being dead?"

The brunette shook her head slowly, "No. I'm not sorry for that... But I guess I am sorry to you for not being sorry, if that makes any sense at all."

The dark haired profiler nodded, unable to take her eyes off Emily. She could see the bruises darkening her features, traces of the hand prints Kyle had left on her arms and the thin frame of a woman that her team had described as a strong, confident, capable Agent back in her day. This was a far cry from that woman.

Emily watched as Amanda's eyes changed; They got bigger, then seemed to soften, but she couldn't tell if it was pity, sadness, confusion….

"Did he hurt _you_?" Emily asked softly.

Amanda moistened her lips as she looked at the brunette in front of her, then shook her head, "No. No he didn't. He was ..." She paused and glanced downwards as she thought of him, "He was a complete gentleman to me. If he'd of done anything to me, he'd of been gone. Believe me." She said with some certainty.

"I know you probably think I should have reported what happened to me back then and I have gone over it in my head over and over, but I know what would have happened. It was my word against his. Have you got any idea what the conviction rates for r….." She stopped and took a deep breath, unable still to say the word out loud. "…That kind of thing is?" She finished quietly.

"Actually, I do." Amanda conceded with a nod and her lips pursed, "It actually depends upon who you listen to and what statistics you go by, but they say that fifty four percent of women don't even report rape and of those that do only ten percent..." She stopped seeing Emily's eyes widen.

"Sorry." The Agent said, pressing her lips together, "I sound like Reid don't I?"

A small reminiscent smile crept across Emily's lips as she mentioned the Doctor's name.

"Well, I used to work in sex crimes in Philadelphia PD before joining the Bureau." Harding offered.

"You did?"

"Yeah. And I do know how hard it is to report this kind of thing, especially when the perp is known to you."

"He was clever. He set me up."

Amanda nodded, "Garcia showed me everything she had found on him on the way over here and JJ told me how he sent messages from your cell. For what it's worth, I do believe you."

"Thank you." Emily smiled cautiously.

"To be honest, I'm more frustrated with myself for not picking up on anything. What kind of a profiler does that make me?" She gave a sarcastic scoff, shaking her head.

"He had everyone fooled Amanda."

"Yeah may be." She uttered, "Apart from Morgan."

Emily began to shake her head, "Please don't be mad with him. He couldn't say anything to you without without proof."

"I get that." Amanda said, "It's just the way it ended. I just didn't realise Morgan…."

"No…" Emily interrupted harshly, "Derek is not that person. He isn't a cold blooded killer. It's my fault it ended up the way it did."

"Why?"

"Derek was convincing Kyle to leave. He threatened him with exposing his past, then I turned up and…. Well, I messed it all up. Derek was just protecting me from Kyle."

"I understand, but do you really think David would have just disappeared?"

Emily shrugged her shoulders with a small shake of the head, "I don't know."

Harding pressed her lips together as she thought before continuing, "Honestly? After everything Garcia showed me today, I don't think he would have given up. And I know one thing that David never liked to do was be beaten."

Emily raised a brow willing the other woman to continue.

Harding smiled contemplatively at the brunette, "I took him to my sister's once and he played basket ball with my eight year old nephew. Seriously, he didn't give the kid a chance. I told him to let Brandon win and David looked at me like I was crazy and just said 'never', before shooting another hoop. I just shrugged it off. It didn't really mean anything at the time, but it did always stick in my mind. I mean what kind of a man is that competitive with a kid?"

"One whose world entirely revolves around himself."

Harding nodded slowly, her features soft, "I see that now." She whispered.

Emily half smiled back and was about to say something when she heard a familiar patter of tiny feet.

"Mommy!" Taylor called as she ran into the room and stood at her mother's side, one small arm wrapped around Emily's leg.

"You ok sweetie?" She said, placing a hand gently on the little girl's shoulder.

"Where's Derek?"

"He's just talking to some policemen. He'll be out soon."

Emily glanced up to see Harding's face had turned to one of shock as she stared at Taylor, but her attention was drawn to the two women entering the room behind her.

"That's where you are." Garcia chuckled.

"Sorry." JJ said looking between the two brunettes, "She just ran off. Come on Taylor, let's go get that ice cream I promised you." JJ said, giving a concerned smile to Emily, unable to imagine how this conversation was going.

"Are you coming mommy?" Taylor asked, looking up to her mother.

"I'll come and find you in a few minutes, ok?"

"Ok." She answered, turning and taking JJ's hand, "We should get mommy strawberry ice cream. She likes strawberry…" Taylor told the blond as they disappeared out of the room.

As Emily turned back to look at Harding, she had a big smile on her face listening to her daughter.

"Wow." Harding almost whispered, "She really looks like him. How do you…?"

"I don't see it." Emily uttered, moistening her lips as she shook her head in contemplation, "I mean, I know she looks like him, but it doesn't register. She's Taylor, my daughter. It's as simple as that."

"Of course." Harding smiled. "Anyway, I guess I better get back to the team. They'll be wondering where I am."

Emily nodded whilst biting her bottom lip and Harding sensed a nervousness all of a sudden in the woman in front of her.

"Do you want to come with me?" Harding offered, "They've all said how much they were looking forward to seeing you."

Emily took a deep breath, "Yeah, that would be good. Thank you."

~~CM~~

It had been two hours and everyone sat in the breakout room. Reid was playing with Taylor, Hotch was in deep conversation with Harding, and Emily was talking to Rossi, JJ and Garcia.

The door creaked open and the first to react was the little girl.

"Derek!" She shouted, running across the room, holding her arms up for him to pick her up.

"Hey munchkin." He said with a wink as he lifted her.

"We got you some ice cream but it melted." She told him with a little disappointed pout, pointing towards the bowl on the table with a brown liquid in it.

He peered over towards it and then looked back to her, "Chocolate as well. My favourite."

"I knew that." She said with a pleased certainty. "Mommy said you'd want vanilla."

"Oh did she?" Derek smiled, looking over to Emily who had a smirk on her face, and he gave her a little wink, both of them knowing that really, vanilla was his favourite, with chocolate sprinkles on top.

"How did it go?" Hotch asked, stepping forward, a genuine concern in his tone.

Derek shrugged, "Ok I guess."

"So what happens now?" Garcia asked.

But before he could answer, the door creaked once again and in walked Harry Kernard.

"Sorry to break up the reunion folks, but you are all free to go now."

"Don't you need to talk to me?" Emily asked, wanting desperately to make sure they knew Derek had no choice in what he did.

"Not right now, Ms Prentiss. We can use your police statement to help with out investigation. If there's anything further we need, I will contact you."

"So you're not done?" JJ asked.

"Oh no." He addressed the room, an unnerving cheeriness in his voice. "We have to wait for the police investigation to be complete before we finalise our involvement." He then turned to Morgan alone, "Can I have a word outside?"

"It's ok, you can say anything you need to here."

"Very well." The man conceded, "I'm afraid to tell you I have to suspend you from duty until further notice."

"What?" Reid exclaimed.

"You can't do that." Garcia added.

Kernard swung around towards the techie, "I can and I'm afraid I have to. It's standard procedure in matters like this."

Rossi nodded, "The man's right guys. It's just a formality."

"Agent Morgan." The tall Agent said offering his hand, "I will be in touch very soon."

"Ok." Derek nodded, giving a short but firm shake of his superior's hand.

As the door shut behind Kernard, Garcia stood up, "This sucks."

"It's ok Garcia." Hotch said calmly, "This is normal."

"But that guy was a monster and deserved what he got." She said as the room went silent and awkward glances were exchanged. The techie looked around until her eyes fell on Harding, "Oh, I'm sorry Amanda. I…"

Harding held a hand up to hush the blond, "It's ok. He was a monster."

"I'm sorry too Amanda." Derek uttered from across the room.

"It's ok." She answered with a small but reassuring smile. "So what happens now?" She said enthusiastically, attempting to shift the focus from herself.

"Well I guess there is one good thing with this suspension." Derek said, earning some baffled looks, "I can stay with you for a while, if you'll have me." He smiled, nodding towards Emily, who returned the smile, her eyes lightening,

"Of course." She replied.

"Yay!" Taylor beamed.

"Sorry to be a party pooper here." Rossi began, "But your house is a crime scene Emily. I don't think you'll be allowed back for some time."

"Oh." The brunette mumbled, her face dropping.

But Garcia let out a sound similar to that of a squeal, "Well there's only one solution to this. You have to come back with us. They can right?" The techie asked, turning to face her Unit Chief.

"Of course if that's what she wants." He answered, his eyes softening as he looked at his old team member.

Emily appeared to go paler in front of them all and she looked around them all until she landed at Derek's gaze, "I don't know." She uttered.

"It's ok. He's gone now. You can stay with me."

"Although you may get a little fed up of him twenty four seven if he's not working." Reid interjected, not an ounce of humor in his tone.

"Hey kid. Leave it out!" Derek chastised.

Emily couldn't help chuckled at the all too familiar banter.

"So, will you?" JJ asked expectantly.

"Sure." The brunette smiled warmly with a nod of the head.

~~CM~~

**2 weeks later**

"Where _are_ we going?" Emily asked for the fifth time, getting a little more annoyed with him each time.

"Well, now you've decided to move back here, I thought we'd go and look at some properties." He said, glancing at her and then back to the road ahead.

"Oh." She sighed, a frown forming across her brow.

"What's wrong?" He asked, spying her expression from the corner of his eye.

"I just thought that….." She shrugged.

"You thought that what?"

"Oh nothing." She waved away, "It doesn't matter."

He shook his head with a little confused chuckle and carried on their journey.

"Why are we driving away from DC?" She asked a short while later.

"Well. I thought about what you said before, about taking Taylor to a big city."

"Right?" She asked a little lost.

"And I totally agree with you. I want that little girl to be innocent for as long as possible and growing up in a city doesn't always allow for that."

"So what's the alternative?"

"On the back seat is an envelope. Have a look."

She reached over and grabbed for the large brown envelope, pulling out three sheets of paper, each with a picture of a different property on.

"These look beautiful." She said, leafing through.

"They're all in real small, rural towns with good schools and zero crime rate."

"Sounds good but…"

"And…." He interrupted, "They're all only forty to forty five miles from Quantico. I can be home in just under an hour. Well probably less than that with my driving." He winked as he glanced at her.

"Oh I see." She smiled, shaking her head at herself.

"What?" He asked, with an inquisitive frown and smirk.

"I just assumed before that I would move into your place, then when you said we were going to look at properties, I thought…"

"…that I didn't want us to move in together?"

"Something like that." She uttered sheepishly.

"Well you Emily." He said, reaching a hand across and placing it atop hers that was rested on her thigh, "Are crazy woman."

"Oi!" She protested playfully.

"You really think after being away from you all this time I wouldn't want you with me?"

"It's a big step Derek. I've got a kid and we've never lived together before. Not properly. I just didn't know if you'd want that so soon."

She frowned as he removed his hand from hers and remained silent. She watched him, but his face gave nothing away as he pulled the car over to the side of the road and he turned to face her.

"Emily." He uttered, placing a hand either side of her face gently, "That's _all_ I _ever_ wanted." He whispered as he closed the gap between them and planted a soft, warm kiss on her lips.

~~CM~~

**3 months later**

"I bet you're glad it's all over." JJ said, clinking her glass with Emily's.

"Yeah, I'm just glad for him." She smiled, nodding towards Derek who was playing soccer with Taylor, Henry, Jack and Reid, Hotch and Rossi shouting instructions to the three children on the sidelines, "As much as he tried to hide it, I know he was stressed out with the whole suspension thing."

"I bet you're gonna miss having him around when he comes back to work on Monday." Garcia stated.

"Yeah." Emily sighed, "Actually I will. But I've got plenty to keep me occupied with this place. It needs a lot of work."

"It's beautiful." Amanda added in, "It was a good find by Morgan. I didn't know these kind of places existed near DC."

"Me neither." JJ smiled, winking towards her brunette friend.

All of the women's attention was suddenly caught as they heard the squeals of the three children. They watched as Derek, dribbled the soccer ball along the lawn and purposely kicked it wide of the goal. Jack ran for it, and the made towards the dark profiler who jogged backwards to get into the goal he was defending. Henry passed the ball to Taylor, who dribbled past Reid with ease and then gave the ball to Henry.

"Hit it. Henry, hit it!" Rossi called from the sideline.

Henry swung his leg back and then hit the ball with all the force he could towards the goal. Derek half heartedly dived, it taking more skill to avoid stopping the ball than it did to let it go in the goal.

As the ball hit the back of the net, the three children cheered, high fiving each other and then Rossi and Hotch.

Emily looked from Derek, who lay on the floor, feigning exhaustion, and then caught the eye of Amanda who smiled at her remembering their conversation. Emily smiled back, and the two women shared a knowing stare. What Amanda Harding had come to know of Derek Morgan over the past few months was all good and seeing him with his family…. _This family_…. Only cemented it.

The rookie profiler watched as Derek paced over to Emily, breathless from his game.

"Aw you lost." The brunette playfully pouted, rubbing his hand gently as he stood in front of her, gulping down a glass of juice.

"I don't know what those kids are on." He said between breaths, "But they do not stop."

"Or may be you're just getting old Derek Morgan." JJ teased.

"You wait till I get back on Monday blondie." He winked at his friend, then looked back to Emily, taking both her hands in his and pulling her up.

"What?" She asked in surprise.

"Come with me." He said, guiding her away by one hand, the three women left behind all looking at each other with raised, playful brows.

"What are you doing?" She asked, as he closed the door to the half decorated dining room.

He snaked his arms around her waist and kissed her sweetly, "Just wanted to do that." He smiled, "Oh and tell you that I love you."

She gave him that shy, almost coy smile that never failed to melt him, and then kissed him back. "I love you too Derek Morgan." She mumbled into his mouth.

"You know, I still can't believe this happened." He uttered, his hands firmly fixed around her waist.

"This is our third chance. We can't blow it." She chuckled.

"Not a chance." He said firmly. "Come on, I guess we better get back." He continued, grabbing her wrist and gently tugging.

But she didn't move, "Wait a minute."

"What's up?" He asked.

She fidgeted a little, looking down at her feet and then back up to him, a seriousness filling her face, "I just wanted to say thank you for everything Derek. I'm sure I didn't deserve this."

"Of course you did. I…"

"Hang on." She stopped him, "I don't want you to ever feel pressured into any of this."

"Emily, I'm not." He said a little impatiently, "This is right where I wanna be."

"Good." She smiled, "Because it's right where I wanna be. And I want you to know Taylor loves you so much. She loves having you in her life. She deserves a…."

But she stopped, taking a nervous gulp.

"A father figure?" He whispered.

"I didn't mean to assume anything or…." She shook her head with a nervous chuckle.

"She's a wonderful kid. I'd be honoured Emily." He said in a deep, soft tone.

"Really?"

"Really?" He smiled.

As they strolled back in to the back yard, his arm around her shoulder, they both smiled inwardly seeing their big, happy family all together. After years of angst and pain, finally, just may be, it was their time…

**Ok… did you like it? I know it may have ended a bit abruptly, but after the Derek/Emily/Kyle showdown, I wasn't sure I could make it much more exciting. Anyway, I hope you're happy that Derek, Emily and Taylor got their happy ending and I hope I didn't disappoint too much. Let me know what you think.**


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